I don't know really if I should post this but I feel that I have to put down how I feel..

There have been quite a few threads on homesickness and people have given very good advice on getting stuck in, finding things to do etc etc Lots of people have said that the first six months are the worst....

I have been here for almost twelve years and I feel really homesick! I'm not sure that it is really homesickness as I don't particularly want to be in the UK (although I am there at the moment and don't want to come back). Basically I just don't want to live in Italy - and my OH doesn't want to leave it.

I feel so torn at the moment. I think I am just at the stage of being fed up of being a foreigner and I want an "easier life". I want my son to do the same things as I did when I was young. It doesn't help that I can't stand where we live. I really can't remember why I ever thought it would be a good idea to come to Italy! Can anyone refresh my memory? Or tell me that they have had the same experience and come out of it the other side? Sorry for the depressing post.....

I just want to express my empathy with how you feel. Although I felt the same way you do about 10 years ago when I was just 5 months pregnant with my son, I remember feeling extremely depressed and hopeless. I was also very young and in a bad relationship, but with that element apart, I can relate to wanting to leave so desperately. I came home and life did get much better for me and has ever since. I am returning now on my own terms and for different reasons, but 10 years ago there was no consoling my sense of loneliness and depression. It also had to do with living in Sicily, it was not the right place for me, and I felt really trapped in my life. I also sought counseling and that helped a lot, but at that point I had already bought my one-way return ticket home. Would it be possible (even though you mentioned not wanting to go back to the UK necessarily) to spend some time in another country over the summer? Maybe Paris- sorry, I like Paris, just my rambling, now. There is no hug emoticon, but I am sending you one!

quote:

I really can't remember why I ever thought it would be a good idea to come to Italy! Can anyone refresh my memory?

It might help if you focus on this: what was it about Italy that first attracted you (apart from a love interest, of course!)? Is it still there or not? What has changed--or is it you who have changed? What could you do as a child that your son cannot?

Try sitting down with a piece of paper and in one column write down everything you like (assuming there is anything) and on the other everything you don't. Go through what you've written and try to understand why you like/don't like it.

I think we all go through this, when we are separated from what we knew and felt safe with as children and find ourselves in what seems to be a wholly alien world. It may or may not pass, and if it doesn't, talk to your OH about your feelings and try to find a solution: maybe, as Jenna suggests, take an extended leave in a third country and see if Italy doesn't look better from that perspective.

Most of all, coraggio! It'll pass, believe me.

quote:

Originally posted by C in Bo:

I have been here for almost twelve years and I feel really homesick! I'm not sure that it is really homesickness as I don't particularly want to be in the UK (although I am there at the moment and don't want to come back). Basically I just don't want to live in Italy - and my OH doesn't want to leave it.

Did you just read my mind? I have exactly the same problem. Everyone writes that the worst time is the first 1-2 years but for me its been the opposite. I have been here for over 7 years, have a house, OH is italian and a great guy, but I have such PANGS to go home, even this terrible weather is making feel homesick...I have been defending the bloomin rain with nostalgic memories of being back in the uk!!!
Yes I need some help too. Sorry C in Bo. I'm not much help to you but I just wanted to let you know that I'm Sooooooo in the same boat. In fact my OH keeps telling me to stay, and I keep torturing him when I mention that I'm not sure if I can... aiutateci xx

edited to fix quote

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Annika,

Oh C in Bo . I know from experience and from speaking with other English friends here, that it's always hard when you go back to the UK for a longer than normal visit. This has happened to me various times. You get settled into life there and you can't see the reason to up root again and wonder why you ever uprooted in the first place.

Would England really be so perfect for your child? See the kids on street corners there... ? I haven't got kids, but I'd have to really have to think if life is better growing up here or there. Being a teacher too don't you get summers off - so imagine the fun your little one would have geting to spend summers in England.

I think you really need to convince your hubby to move to an area which makes you both happy. Out of the city I remember you saying you'd prefer. Surely housing would be cheaper there too.

C in BO, do you know that we were both talking about moving back to the UK last november!!!!!

I just screened some old spots and you mentioned trying to convince the OH to move to the New Forest... could this be the problem, actually this part of the UK is so beautiful that we are really torn!
If you want to contact me let me know and i'll send you my mail...at least we could console each other without boring all the others on this forum !!
Sorry for the depressing topic everyone!

I went further and we made the decision to come back to the UK.
Do I regret it?
Yes.
I was getting very very homesick in Sicily,our house was half finished,funds had almost dried out and I was missing so much of the familiar.

We have been back 8 weeks and are planning on getting funds together,saving and going back home (yes home!)within 18 months.

It really hit home the fact that I had been viewing UK through rose tinted specs,the crime is a bigger shock after being away,the kids (not all,but the yob culture which is very prevelant)and the general feel of the place.

I have a big extended family in Sicily wanting us back including 18 nieces and nephews!

I think I made the mistake fo jumping too fast and thinking the grass is greener.
It isn't.

Have you thought about a different area,maybe making some changes there will help,its a huge task upping sticks only to get back and feel like Uh-oh I don't want to be here as thought.

Best of luck and ((((((((hugs)))))))
I totally understand.

Hi Cybermommy
I totally agree that going back could be a real mistake, that is why I am still here!

However, I do not have anyone here apart from the OH, all my family and friends are in the UK. To make matters worse we are just going through a real family crisis in the UK and therefore I feel a real pull to go back and to be able to help them through this problem.

The OH says that I will probably regret going back and that I will be bored in a week!

Anyway, thanks for replying, it does help to hear from someone else that life isn't quite what we expect back 'home'.... I guess it is true that 'home is what you make it'! whether you are in Italy or the UK!

I just wish i COULD DECIDE!

After I'd been here a few years I made the move back to the UK. Mainly because I wasn't happy with my old job here. I lasted a few months in England but I was yearning to come back to the vita Italiana. And that's where I am now Maybe you have to try going back to know if it's right for you, but like Cybermommy says, you might find out that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side.

I adore trips back, but when I went back knowing that it was "for good" (though it turned out not to be), then it was different.

Well, I came back Not as bad as I thought it would be - some nice things I had completely forgotten about - like all the local people I know (mainly in bars!) who know me and asked how I was getting on - which is really nice actually. I was staying in a little village in the UK and strangely, it didn't seem quite as friendly on a personal level.

I am beginning to think that I could *maybe* like some aspects of living in Italy but not Bolgona (sorry Chia and other bolognesi if you are reading!) there is just something about this town that is antipatica for me! (Mainly the traffic - I've only been here a week and I've almost been run over twice - once by someone jumping a red light whilst I was crossing with my son )

It was great to read everyone else's experiences although I am sorry that other people are feeling homesick too! Cybermommy - good luck with the move - I must admit the yob culture is something that really puts me off the UK - it seems like kids are being stabbed everyday at the moment. Tracina - sorry to hear that you are feeling so torn. (You are welcome to email if you like although I don't know how to contact you!)

The best thing about the UK though was definitely being able to drive wherever I liked and park on the drive right in front of the house Me, shallow?

Homesick and restless, that I can get once a week. then I pick up a good book to read , call some my family and friends in the states,and just think that here I am in Italy.No I don't work but I need to. So I just made sure I have some of the comforts of home. The things that I enjoyed doing. I started a bible study with four other ladies,we meet once a week and it is in english. I look forward to friday mornings for an hour over coffee and sweets.I know what home sick is, and when I returned to states I was missing Italy. So I am the captain of my ship and I keep rowing in these muddy waters.Maybe get some friends together once a week or month that have something in common with you. And I am here because of my husband whom is coaching baseball so thats some comfort for me coming from the states.

quote:

Originally posted by C in Bo:
Tracina - sorry to hear that you are feeling so torn. (You are welcome to email if you like although I don't know how to contact you!)

Hi C in Bo: I have a facebook account do you? Just search Tracy in Italy! Bingo
A presto
t

quote:

I am beginning to think that I could *maybe* like some aspects of living in Italy but not Bolgona (sorry Chia and other bolognesi if you are reading!) there is just something about this town that is antipatica for me! (Mainly the traffic - I've only been here a week and I've almost been run over twice - once by someone jumping a red light whilst I was crossing with my son )

No problem, there are many aspects of Bologna I don't like, too...anyway I spend in Bologna most of the day/week, I could never live there.
Actually there are many better places to live as near to Bologna as necessary.
A question: are you *forced* to live in the city? Because the best of Bologna is outside Bologna (even if I think it's one of the most beautiful cities in Italy)...

Ok, whatever, welcome back

Bologna is not bad and I think is much better to live in than Florence.
Sorry you feel so homesick, I do often too. Also for myself it is getting worse..in the beginning it was an adventure..now it's complicated.
I wish you the best of luck!

C in Bo, Tracina, I have to say that with only one exception most of the Brits I know who live here with an Italian OH would all rather be back in the UK! But, on visiting other expat sites this seems to hold true irrespective of where people move to!! I never realised how miserable people who moved to Oz, New Zealand, South Africa and Canada could be with their lot! So many are desparate to go back to the UK, being so far flung,but they can't afford to.
Our own dawnbee hated Canada and moved here instead. Maybe this doesn't help, but it does make you wonder why we all do it! I'm happy so far but when I've done as many years as you have I'll let you know how I feel then!

I think it's hard for anyone moving away from home, no matter how great the place is that they have moved to. You miss familiar things, family, friends, and silly things like TK Maxx etc etc! My best friend has been living in Dubai now for 12 years, has a fantastic life, lots of money, great house, sunshine every day, safe environment for the children, great schooling, the list goes on. There is not one day goes by that she doesn't miss Scotland and each year she says they are coming back but the more money they make there just makes it harder to come back to the UK as they know their lifestyle will change dramatically. Things have also got worse as her mother has just been diagnosed with very advanced cancer and she is not there to support her so her homesick pangs are very bad at the moment. For all of you homesick for the UK just now, please don't be. Things are not great here, prices are sky high and the weather is rubbish! At least Italy has the weather! I know though what homesickness feels like, it's horrible and once it gets a hold of you, nothing seems to help. I worry about moving to Capri and feeling isolated with no friends or family there but as long as I get my visits home frequently or people come and see me I will cope.

RS - going off topic for a mo' sorry - I was wondering where you were - I heard about those murders in Glasgow, one in a restaurant, and then you weren't on here for a while....! Glad to read you safe and sound!!

Hello All, im sorry to hear of so many of you are feeling homesick. I was born in Australia but am Italian in my soul (i did live many years also in Italy) but i do understand how you feel, because I feel homesick too.
When i am in Italy i miss Aust Now i am here, i miss Italy.
I think it is history of your life that you miss. Its the familiar faces, bumping into people you know, your families, your mentality etc etc, the list goes on.
Right now (im midlife) i am seriously thinking again to move back to Italy with my husband. But i know that this homesick for the familiarity will hit me again.
I wish to offer you my support, an english speaking ear here if you need to vent.
Do any of you have a best friend (living near by) you frequent often in your week to week lives ? I know how lonely i use to feel when i was there.

bye for now.

Hi Alyson - Yes I'm still here alive and kicking! Haven't had much time to post for a while as been working day and night in the restaurant so desperate for my holiday now (tomorrow I leave yeahhhh). The girl that was murdered was a Greek girl working in a west end pizza place (murdered by 2 of the staff terrible). We are about 10 minutes away in the city centre and we were very concerned about our safety since another woman had been murdered in a park in the same week (by a Slovakian man). Anyway, I'm still here but won't be on the board again until I return from Capri in August. Nice to know I was missed, thank you!! Off now to do my packing as working again tonight, no rest for the wicked!

Have a great time Ragazza! It's baking hot here.

Thanks Delina. Glad to hear the weather has improved, I was starting to get worried! I'll be on my own there from tomorrow until next Tuesday when the troops (family) arrive so plenty time to get down on that beach in between cleaning to be nice and bronzed before they arrive! If you're heading to Capri in the next few days Delina come and keep me company on the beach! By the way, have you noticed if any of the Africans selling fakes down at the port sell watches? I need a cheap watch as I've broken my good one but I want the Chanel J12 white ceramic one. Can't afford the real thing so looking for similar cheap one just to wear for the holiday.

quote:

Originally posted by xxprettypistolxx:
Sorry you feel so homesick, I do often too. Also for myself it is getting worse..in the beginning it was an adventure..now it's complicated.
I wish you the best of luck!

That's just it! Brava, in the beginning it was fantastic, the whole of what Italy had to offer, a fun dream that has turned a little sour. Not due to any one reason but a million tiny things that slowley eat away at you. I have to accept that here I will always be a foreigner and that sometimes that can be very scary, even for someone like me who had a great career and was always very confident in the UK.

I do really miss... family ,friends, les Dawson jokes, etc etc.

I suppose there is one time when we all have to say enough is enough, bite the bullet and DECIDE!!!!! Aiuto

By the way, I'm really boring myself so sorry to all you out there! And thanks to all your support x

quote:

Originally posted by Ragazza scozzese:
Thanks Delina. Glad to hear the weather has improved, I was starting to get worried! I'll be on my own there from tomorrow until next Tuesday when the troops (family) arrive so plenty time to get down on that beach in between cleaning to be nice and bronzed before they arrive! If you're heading to Capri in the next few days Delina come and keep me company on the beach! By the way, have you noticed if any of the Africans selling fakes down at the port sell watches? I need a cheap watch as I've broken my good one but I want the Chanel J12 white ceramic one. Can't afford the real thing so looking for similar cheap one just to wear for the holiday.

I was at the port last week - I found out all about the other port - had to leg it down there to ca