Last month, we (husband, 2 kids and I) went back to the Bay Area for a sort of vacation. This is the first time we have been back since Jan. 2001. Talk about culture shock I figured this was the place to write about my trip so here goes!

I did not want to go. I think I should say that at the onset as it does set a mood for the trip.

First I was terrified to fly, second, I really had no interest. The only reason I went is because my father really wanted me to go so that my kids could get to know their cousins. The reason we had to go when we went (Oct. 19th - Oct 26th) is because my sister was turning 40 and my BIL had planned a surprise party. We arrived 2 days before the party and my BIL had booked us into the Marriot at the Wharf for those first days. The rest of the time we were at my sister's house.

The first two days were interesting to say the least. We arrived in the evening so basically, we got to the hotel, checked in then went for a walk to pick up something to eat. My eldest wanted pizza (you can take the girl out of Italy . . .) so we headed to a pizza takeout across the street. The funniest part of the experience, the 4 people eating there were Italians on vacation. Next, my youngest wanted McDonald's so around the corner we went. Me, I wasn't hungry and neither was my husband but as we were walking back (the long way) we saw an In & Out so in we went, got us some burgers. We ate, watched some TV and went to sleep.

The next morning, we went down to breakfast at 7 (we had all been up for a couple of hours). Kids loved the whole thing. Eggs, pancakes, biscuits & gracy, bacon, etc. Husband was shocked by the amount of food but happy.

After breakfast we headed to Old Navy as I had $500 work of gift cards to use up. Love Old Navy. Bought tons of stuff for hubby and me. I was going to get kids stuff too, but after 1 hour in the store surrounded by thousands of people it seems, I had to leave! We went to the mall nearby and shopped for a few minutes but again, could not handle the crowds so made a mad dash and got out. The reason for the extra crowds it seemed is because the Oracle convention was going on, 60,000 extra people, all downtown. Remind me to check convention schedules next time!

So we headed to the Wharf and just hung out. Total tourist mode, not fun at all but the kids had a blast.

The day of the party, we arrived at the sis's house early to help set up. Kept busy and had fun. Surprise was no surprise as the sis had known for a month. Saw lots of family and that was fun even though I spent most of the time hanging out with the caterers who were the chef and a few others from our restaurant.

The sis was not thrilled with me when I called her friends insipid (yes I am an evil big sister) but one of them even asked me if we had regular electricty or had to use generators. No I did not have anything in common with them (imaging wanna be Junior Leaguers and country club members).

The next day my kids and the sis's kids all got sick with the stomach flu (thanks to my mom). That meant that for the next 3 days we did basically nothing. I went to Old Navy for the kids, went to Costco, went to the grocery store (man it is expensive!) and just hung out. Kids had fun hanging out with cousins. DH had fun playing his new game for Nintendo. I was bored out of my mind.

We had a few dinners with the folks. Ate a huge amount of Sushi. Made Mexican one night. Nothing exciting. Food bothered me the whole time I was there so really wasn't into eating anything although since the sis owns part of an avocado grove, I did make tons of Guacamole!

When the kids were better we went to the Museom of Grossology at the Lawrence Hall of Science http://www.grossology.org/yuck.shtml which was a blast. If you are in the neighborhood, I highly recommend this. Their museum shop is also great for a math nerd like me. We got a game that is like scrabble but with all numbers and equations, yahtzee with equations and more. I had to stop buying things as I could have taken home the entire math section (oh how I love algebra!)

When it was time to come back, we packed up, went to the city (the sis lives in Lafayette), hung out on Chestnut street, had lunch at Mel's diner, went down and hung out by the GG Bridge and then off to the airport. Upon arrival, they told us they needed some people to opt out of flying. They were offering euro 600 per person to take the flight the following day. I said yes (600 x 4= money needed) and they said if they needed us to opt out (it was not a sure deal) they would let us know 45 minutes before the flight left so we couldn't check in yet. So we hung out but at the last minute they did not need us so we flew home as scheduled.

Upon arrival in Munich, at passport control, as I had a US passport, they asked if I had a PdiS and I had to show it (warning for all here). We boarded the flight to Florence, arrived at 9:30 at night, hopped in the car and drive home.

Blonde moment of the trip, filling up the tank before turning in the rental car. I could not figure out how the machine worked, it would not accept my credit card, I had no clue as to how much I would need to fill it up so had to keep going back to add extra money at the cashier window, etc.

Things I realized: the first 7 years here I really hated so many things about living here. I was always saying "why can't they do it . . ." and comparing everything to how it is done in the US. The past 5 though I have changed I guess. I spent most of my trip saying "why can't they do it . . ." but referring to the way it is done in Italy.

I could never live there again. Too crazy, too busy, too loud. Granted, if I lived in Rome it might not have seemed so loud but as I live on a hilltop away from everything, it was shear murder for me.

I missed hearing Italian. I gravitated towards people who spoke it.

If I had gone alone it might have been different but the fact that I had to be a mom and could not hang out in my old haunts was a hard adjustment.

I guess, the point is, I am happy that I stuck it out and although we will go back every once in a while, I no longer have the craving to go.

Cristina I know what you mean about not having a craving to return home anymore. After the year in New Mexico, I have had my fill. Family funerals- I can wire them flowers and send cards. I'm finished over there.

Welcome back home Cristina!
I know what you mean by not looking forward to going back to the states. I like to take a trip every once in a while but for no longer than a week (which never happens when mom lives in NY and sisters live in Ohio) and during the entire time I either sit by the computer chatting on Skype with Italian family, and counting the days til we go back. For me the only up-side on the trips back is the low prices for clothes, etc, and my sister and nephews whom we are very close to.
Oh yes, on one of my trips back to Minnesota, I was asked repeatedly if we had warm running water here .

Thank you for your reminiscences Cristina....They act as a poignant reminder to all among us who are 'living the dream', that perhaps we do - occaisionally - need to remove our rose tinted glasses when looking back over our shoulders!

E Viva lItalia!

Cristina, same here - I have no desire of going to my homecountry (Brazil) - My obligation is that my parents are still there and I am an only child. But even so, I rather pay them a ticket to visit me. Hope soon, we'll be in Italy and probably will feel the same about the US. The point is, when you are happy somewehere, nothing else matters.

I guess for most of us going "home" (back to the place we were born/raised) is ALWAYS stressful! Think about how many people freak out about having to visit mom and dad at Thanksgiving or Christmas!

For those of us who have established a new home in a completely different culture/country, I think the differences become more apparent the longer we're here. Our lives are so completely different, even if we DO have running water and elelctricity! Our priorities are different, the bureaucracy is different, WE'RE different.

Just as years apart make reconnecting with friends and family more and more awkward, living in a foreign country adds to the difficulty.

For us, our kids and grandkids will always pull us back to the states. I have fun shopping....for about the first 2-3 days, then I'm done. We do buy clothes in the states, and I always send a box of books and magazines to Italy. I pick up spices, Crisco, pecans and other odds and ends I can't find in Italy, but of course if push came to shove I could live without them....they're just an added bonus.

In the end, I look forward to visiting the states, and after a week or so I look forward to returning home.

This spring we'll start off in Tampa for a visit with the grandgirls (oh, and my son and DIL too), then we'll fly to Louisville where we'll have a week to visit and catch up with friends and family before Art goes to work at Churchill Downs. After 2 weeks of work we'll head to Boston for a few days with friends there (our first visit to Boston!), then back to Tampa for our last night before flying back to Italy. Altho it'll be nice to see so many places and people, I'm already dreading moving from place to place! I know I'll be sooooo ready to be home!

quote:

The reason for the extra crowds it seemed is because the Oracle convention was going on, 60,000 extra people, all downtown. Remind me to check convention schedules next time!

You were lucky that your brother in law was able to get you a decent room with all of those people in town. Sounds like the biggest drawbacks were sick kids and losing out on the €2400!!! Finally, I know you really want to be one of those country club chicks hanging out at the 19th hole fixinf all of the world's problems!!! he-he-he

The longer you are here, the stranger it is going back... I'm often caught saying "In Inghilterra..." here (OH really winds me up about this ) , but as soon as I get to England I say "In Italy they do this, that etc....".

Ah, Cristina! Isn't it just the pits back there? Joan Didion had it right, "If you're from Northern California, you can't go home again. It isn't there."

I have no desire to go back to the states at all. My sister lives in Sydney, Australia, now, so I don't have to visit the states. My friends there can come here. I remember places with fondness, like Cape Cod, Santa Fe environs, New York City, New Orleans (which isn't there anymore), the Eastern Shore (where Cheney and Rumsfeld now live ), and so on, but.... I'm outta there!!!

Sounds like you did not have the best trip ever... Let me share my experience. I lived in Florence for 3 months until my permit expired. Went back to Houston for 6 weeks and am now back in Florence with my Work Visa. I was never a big fan of Houston when I lived there before and complained about it a lot before coming to Florence. When I lived in Florence, I raved about how much better it is than Houston. When I went back to Houston, I was amazed at how beautiful Houston really is - immaculate (no trash dumpsters anywhere, no 'smells' to cope with and it really looks like someone 'wipes' it down every night), nice wide streets, great infrastructure (needs some improvement, but I would say Florence's infrastructure is about a 1 out of 10), LOTS of green spaces minutes from my front door (huge parks, bayous, golf courses, etc. etc.). My home was more even beautiful than I remembered (compared to the 800 square foot apt. with no view I have in Florence) and appreciated pretty much everything that much more. Living in Europe has really made me appreciate living in the states. I like Florence and am looking forward to experiencing a lot of Europe during my stay here, but for me, nothing compares to the US. As I told my friends and family shortly after my return, "Americans really do live like kings and they have no idea how lucky they are...". But that is the great thing - people that have moved away from the states and don't like it should not go back and people that have moved to Europe and don't like it should figure out a way to leave. At home, people asked me if I am happy in Florence and my answer was simple, "If I wasn't happy in the US, I wasn't going to be happy in Florence and if I'm not happy in Florence, I am not going to be happy when I come home. To answer your question, yes, I am happy". It seems there are two kinds of people, those that love the US and those that hate it, but it seems like I only read things (not referring to this forum, but in general) from those that hate it and those that love it and don't care for Europe, really don't advertise it.....

MCF,

Please know I'm asking this in the politest possible way. I wondered, reading your post, how long have you been living in Italy?

I used to think the way you do, 'til I hit the 3 year mark (Before Rome I lived in Scotland for 3+ years). All of a sudden, I took my yearly trip home and the 'glorious green spaces' were all being developed into golf courses, and the infrastructure shocked me as being incredibly environmentally wasteful. (Huge cars, huge highways, ENORMOUS depressing malls with neverending parking lots). Also, public transport had decreased from 'the bare minimum' to 'barely there' in my home state. I was restless from not being able to walk anywhere (no sidewalks) and eventually grew depressed from the cumulative effect of endless ugly postwar buildings.

now, if you had asked me two years earlier, you would have gotten a very different diatribe, one that leaned heavily on the mystery of roundabouts, the prevalence of fried food in the Scottish diet, and the oh-so-treacherous darned peat bogs that lie in wait for innocent hikers. And it would have featured, among other things, the glory of decent Thai food and ready availability of childhood sweets, and the convenience of Staples and large supermarkets.

But it seems that 3 years was my real 'assimilation' point, and after that I began to appreciate Scotland and view the States through something of a European-filtered lens. Good or bad? Can't say. I don't think either way is right or wrong, people just love different places at different stages in their lives. But if you haven't been here for 3-4 years yet, give it time! If you have been living abroad for longer, then I'm sorry your experience in Florence hasn't been great.

Also consider that there are probably lots of expats that love their country of origin. But it's a self-selecting bunch, as they've obviously chosen to live elsewhere, and yes that may skew the group perspective somewhat towards their country of residence.

Its a shame that you had a bad trip Cristina and it's really a shame for your kids that they don't get to go and be with their american family very often.

Going "home" can be a PIA for me as well, I admit - the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that it is good for the kids to be with relatives and to have the opportunity to see something different .... and lots of beer.

It's just too simplistic to say you have to hate one and love the other. I don't hate the US, but there are things, I discover, that I don't like about it and didn't realize before I moved.
I didn't move from the US, but to Italy. I'd always wanted to since discovering her in 1973. Why would I hate the place I was born, have friends, relatives, was educated, married, where I became a mother, had a career and where I know how everything works? I know someone who says she does, and I think it makes her sound like a nut. Guess what? She is a nut, a friendly and not difficult to deal with nut.
The things I don't like about the US are about the same number of things I don't like about Italy.

We lived in Italy for the entire school year 2005-06, have returned "home" to NY to sell our house (soft market!). Our plan is to return to Italy in July to live permanently, but to spend a good chunk of our 3-month summer vacation in the States, perhaps doing a rental on the shore within minutes of where the rest of the extended family lives. This will give us all some time to get reacquainted annually. Once the grandkids get bigger, or the grown kids get richer, perhaps they will spend time with us in Italy during the summer. And we also plan on coming to NY for 2 weeks at Christmas. The Christmas Eve celebration at my sister-in-law's house is an institution. My son is an only child, so he seems to really need these connections with cousins and nephews and nieces. Anyway, that's the plan. We'll see how it plays out once we're living in Italy! While in NY, I'll appreciate the easy-to-acquire clothing, books in English and food ingredients I miss. Then we'll hang out with the family, travel around the USA, B-B-Q and take long walks on the beach. And be anxious, no doubt, to return to Italy once again. I appreciate each place for different reasons, I just over-all prefer Italy. My only fear is my son, 10 years from now or so, won't be able to make a living and a future for himself in Italy. Economically speaking, the USA is STILL the land of great opportunities (all the shopping and taking on of consumer debt really drives the economy big time).

What struck us after six months in Italy was how much everything had changed here--in a mere six months they had built everywhere and torn down everywhere else, and this is a small town or was. Now they want to build more enormously tall condos along the ocean, blocking it entirely from view. I'm lucky because we live outside of town, next to the woods and we can't hear our neighbors. I avoid going out. When I do I really miss Italy. Some of you have been asked about electricity and hot water; I was told, not asked, that Italy is not a democracy.

quote:

Originally posted by Christine Raffini:
I'm lucky because we live outside of town, next to the woods and we can't hear our neighbors. I avoid going out. When I do I really miss Italy. Some of you have been asked about electricity and hot water; I was told, not asked, that Italy is not a democracy.

Yep, I was told. Since the person, in her certitude, seemed beyond reason, I vaguely contradicted her and changed the subject.

quote:

Originally posted by Christine Raffini:
Yep, I was told. Since the person, in her certitude, seemed beyond reason, I vaguely contradicted her and changed the subject.

When I lived in the US, I met a couple of really ignorant people who seemed to believe that the US is the only "free country" (by which I presume they meant democracy, with a free press etc.) in the world. Where do they get this crap? I just ignored them (with smoke coming out my ears).

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When I lived in the US, I met a couple of really ignorant people

Don't worry we have more than our share of geniuses here!!!!

There are many ignorantoni in Italy as well. I can tell stories. Most fellow Italians I meet, however, envy me, whether it's the perception about where I live or not.

My question to all of you who wouldn't return to the States is: "siete sistemati/e bene" and "avete contatti/amicizie"? I think it all boils down to that. If so, I don't see the point of moving back to the States, unless career, research or changing the world is your top priority.

Also, the States has many different sides to it, so one cannot generalize. I live in Miami, and would rather be here from November to April than anywhere in Europe. However, take me to Denver, Dallas, or Sacramento and I'll laugh at you.

When I return home to Rome, I typically spend four weeks there, in "pieno centro storico," overlooking the Tiber. I could walk forever, understanding that I don't have the same privilege back in the U.S. After week three, and all the restaurants, shoe stores, enoteche, bar, and saldi have been digested, I frankly start to become sick of it all: the traffic, the casino, the male chauvinism, the whole spectacle about being someone you are not, the strangeness over seeing the people you knew as a kid stuck in the same career for over 20 years, and the mentality that keeps the country sinking on so many levels. And I don't even work there!

P.S. Did I mention that Pippo Baudo, Mike Bongiorno, Raimondo Vianello, and Maurizio Costanzo are still going strong? E che diamine! They aren't even half as bad as the boors who are on T.V. today.

Just curious, what is Simo short for? Simon, Simian, what?