I'm sure this topic must have come up here before, but has anyone noticed that, besides learning how to speak Italian when you live here, you have to learn to speak LIKE an Italian? I'm a talkative, outgoing person in most situations, but I've noticed that I find myself taken aback a lot in conversations when someone just starts talking right over me, rudely interrupting and when we're not having any sort of "heated" conversation.

Also, even though I understand and read Italian very well, I can't understand TV shows (mainly the football commentary-type shows, but also political talk-shows)- they're all shouting over each other!

So, in conversations, I find myself not even speaking because, even though my conversation partner probably wouldn't bat an eyelash, I feel so rude cutting in and talking over that I'm basically mute in some conversations!

Anyone else have experiences like this?

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I can't understand TV shows (mainly the football commentary-type shows, but also political talk-shows)- they're all shouting over each other

Watched US TV lately? Try the McLaughlin Group-they're always shouting over each other.

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Originally posted by Bill 2:
Watched US TV lately? Try the McLaughlin Group-they're always shouting over each other.

It's funny you mention that- I hadn't lived in the US for a while before coming here and have never been a big TV watcher, so maybe I've forgotten it's like this in the US or is it new there?

Anyway, conversation is definitely the more important part of my original observation (to me). :-)

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Originally posted by dbailarina:

Also, even though I understand and read Italian very well, I can't understand TV shows (mainly the football commentary-type shows, but also political talk-shows)- they're all shouting over each other!

Me neither! And I am Italian born and raised here, never lived abroad.
It is simply impossible to follow certain tv show, especially the ones of Maria De Filippi and similar.It's worse than being to a market on a saturday morning!

Amd about the people that interrupt you talking...they are unpolite

Well the classic of this form of behaviour (for me) is the 'Forum' show on tv's Rete 4.... Geez it is often worse than a fish market and it's supposed to be dealing with civil court cases
'Forum' Rete4
It used to be aired everyday for a couple of hours but I believe it's now on almost all day! The judges seem to be totally unable to control the appellants and chaos seems to be accepted as the order of the day - every day! there's just NO

Oh how I would like to see Judge Judy in that courtroom for 30 seconds - she would put the fear of Gxx into them all!

I believe this has become popular on US TV because the producers think it excites viewers. News is now entertainment, so a political discussion becomes just another reality show. Angry people shouting at one another, nothing they say can be understood, and that's fine, because it's not about ideas, it's all about the emotion evoked in the viewer.

To answer the original post: Yes, for me at least, it is normal here to not be able to carry on conversations. To start them yes, but not to actually continue or finish it unless it is a one on one thing. There was another thread about this somewhere and it talked about how people love to argue and shout about everything. For them, it is not really an argument at all, but a normal conversation. I cant watch the soccer or the political shows since I cant stand the arguing and shouting, but when I mention it to DH, he does not hear any of the shouting... they are just talking.
As far as the 'Forum', I think that most of it is made up to make for 'good' entertainment.

Thanks for the interesting observations! Pola (Paola?)- I'm so glad to hear that you have the same problem watching some shows- I thought it was just me! Now I think when I ask my Italian boyfriend what's going on and he doesn't answer it's not because he's so "involved" in what they're saying, but maybe he doesn't understand either!

As for the difficulty carrying on a conversation- I think you've hit the nail on the head di&andrea- so many times (especially before I spoke Italian) I've thought people were angry and arguing, and it turns out it was just a normal conversation! That's my problem though- as soon as I raise my voice I feel like I'm arguing, so I have trouble conversing! haha! Although I've noticed it's easier after a few glasses of wine ;-)

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Originally posted by dbailarina:
Pola (Paola?)- I'm so glad to hear that you have the same problem watching some shows- I thought it was just me!

Yeah, my real name is Paola. What a lack of fantasy, ain't it?Just a silly nickname I've been dragging since I was a fresh(wo)man...and I chose it!

Anyway there is a reason why I don't watch TV shows. Try to think about the fact that some of them are pre-registered and you can imagine what kind of scense are cut and never brodcasted!

I've had this experience in both Italy and New York. Mmmmmmm. So just jump right in? You can always go back and say, "Dicevi?" after you've made your own point.

Thank God you mentioned this. I thought it was just my husband's family's bad habit. They all interrupt each other when arguing, or when talking calmly, for that matter, and it drives me nuts just to be in the same room. I find it very disrespectful to bulldoze someone like that. I have no problem with passioned arguments, but you shouldn't forget to respect the person you're arguing with. I haven't seen a lot of my husband's friends do this-- is it because they're more polite, don't care enough about each other to get so impassioned, or is in generational? I suspect that the rule is: the more closely you know someone, the less you have to respect them when arguing with them. When my husband tries to speak over me when we're "discussing" something in private, I simply refuse to take it. I'm terrified I'm going to eventually give in and start doing it too, or worse, my kids will become ingrained with the habit. Am I too harsh to say that I think this quirk is actually not a cute cultural difference, as some see it, but an insidious lack of respect and a bad habit that should be done away with? All my Italian in-laws don't seem to get offended like me when others talk over them; does that make it okay? Am I just an uptight American lost in a garrulous, anything-goes nation?

It doesn't bother me. Like your husband's friends, I don't care enough to get so impassioned. I say let it slide.

When I first came I didn't realize this type of behavior is part of the typical Italian household. I had to address everyone and tell them that I am not used to it and I don't appreciate it. I barely watch any TV in the US, and I find most Italian TV programs annoying so I don't watch it much either here. Yes, they do annoy me, they seem like arguing even when they are not.

Yes it is very much a cultural thing, but if one gets used to it beware, it is even harder to break. i grew up in Italy and have had a problem ever since reminding myself that its not ok. Over there I don't feel it's rude, to me that would be like telling an Italian that pasta is no longer good for you and you can't eat it anymore. It's something as natural as gelato, I think to try and change it will never happen or work.

This happens to me occasionally with people from all over the world, but in my opinion when people are really polite and interested in what you have to say, they let you speak.

I first noticed this in Spain, where at the family dinner table everyone talked at once, talking over each other, often repeating the same thing that someone else just said but in their own words,with their own spin. It drove me nuts, partly because it meant that 1) I could barely follow the conversation and 2) I never said a word, since I tend to wait till other speakers are finished before I open my mouth, and there was never a point where no one was speaking.

I´ve noticed it in Italy a bit as well, but I just haven´t been to as many family dinners. One of my neighbours though often cuts me off mid-sentence and completely changes the subject, but I´m not sure if its because I´m taking too long to complete my sentence, or if she´s just not interested.

This makes me smile - I've been here (on and off) for over 40 years and until recently I've never managed to stop the constant interruptions when I (or anyone else for that matter) tries to speak.

Why 'until recently'? Well I got soooo mad one day when I was trying to answer a question asked by one of the family sitting at the table - there were about 9 of us, so not a huge gathering, but few enough to make more than one subject/conversation at a time to be rude (well the way I was raised...).

Three times I had tried to answer and three times I had got no further than the first sentence when - yes you've guessed - the 'listen to ME' brigade broke in on a totally different subject. Well after 40 years I had had enough... so I stood up and said "Excuse me - I was talking. I haven't finished and when I have, then you can take YOUR turn...!"

OK - I know that was rude too - but hey I have noticed that it's usually the guys who do this when a woman is speaking (anyone else noticed that?). But my little outburst worked - apologies were offered and the converstion then continued with nearly everyone joining in on that subject....It was great.

Mind you -the next get together and we were back to the old ways...well until 'I' had something to say and they were all too polite (or sacred) to interrupt 'that feisty old Brit'. So I did score a partial victory , but only within the close family circle...
was restored...

telecom Italia have it down to a fine art. I am sure talking over the client is part of their training.
It is rude and I don't believe that 'culture' is an excuse for a lack of common courtesy.
It is very apparent in the behaviour of children in school too.