we have some friends, italian, and the man always and i mean ALWAYS lights his lighter in the face of my 4 year old son, i tell politely not to do it, but he asks why and continues, i can't stop him, he has now started to do it in the face of my 11 month old son and then he gave the lighter to him, it's driving me insane, he just disregards anything i say. i would appreciate a sentence to say to him that will make him understand i do not want him to do.

Well I could think of lots of things to say but how close are these friends and do you want to remain friends with them

quote:

i tell politely not to do it, but he asks why and continues, i can't stop him

Sounds like talking to him won't work. I'd keep my kids away from him.

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Originally posted by Bill 2:

quote:

i tell politely not to do it, but he asks why and continues, i can't stop him

Sounds like talking to him won't work. I'd keep my kids away from him.

Me too he sounds somewhat over the edge. Friends like that you don't need.

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Originally posted by Cristina:
do you want to remain friends with them

Why would anyone want to stay friends with someone so obviously disrepectful not only of someone's requests, but also of a child's health and safety? IMO, this person has already indicated quite clearly that he is NOT your friend....why should you worry about being his???

Also, why would you want a friend that is teaching your 4 rear old to play with fire?

Se tu non vorrei ascoltarmi, io non voglio vederti di piu. I'm sure that's grammatically, not to say culturally incorrect, but I'd tell him to get lost. Too bad if you're friends with his significant other. I would definitely end the contact!

thank goodness, i thought it was an italian thing, i didn't realise it was just them, when we first moved here we rented next door to them and they have three children, my children played with their children and even though we have moved over an hour away from them they still come round, NEW YEARS EVE, yes new years eve they turned up with food and presents and stayed till after 1.30am, we usually go to bed at 10 on new years eve, i have a 4 year old and an 11 mth old, i would have broken off the relationship ages ago, but thinking about it i don't know how, because they just turn up and we can't speak very good italian and they speak no english, anyway we would have stopped contact but their daughter is coming to the uk with us in september....arrrgggghhhhhh!!! they also had toy guns in their house for their 7 year old son, and now my 4 year old is obsessed with them, every stick he finds is a gun, we have never had toy guns in the house, i just want to end the relationship but september is getting closer and closer........

The fire thing is just weird. The guns inevitable unless you homeschool in total seclusion! I didn't want my son to have guns - 13 years later he has a collection that would rival a private army - it just happens. At nursery he and his friends would make them out of Lego, when the teachers (who shared the parents opinions) stopped this, they used sticks from the garden instead. If anything, even though my son has air rifles and pistols, this doesn't actually translate to over use - the opposite in fact, now he has them, he doesn't care about them!

I think you'd have to ban the TV set from your house if you intend to have little boys not playing with guns. Also they'd have to be quaranteened from their mates who watch TV.

i played with toy guns when i was a kid and i
havent shot at anyone since 1969...so it is possible to break the habit. ha.

i've had girls uptil now, so this gun thing is new, but i still don't remember seeing them in the uk when i lived there, maybe they weren't in the barbie aisle, come to think of it neither was i, barbie wasn't allowed until she grew some hips and thighs....maybe i should just get him an ak47 or an ozzie 9mm and get it over with,

Unfortunately, I must concur on the gun thing (my son is almost 10)- it is inevitable with boys that find guns interesting. My son never had a toy gun, only watched public t.v. and still "shot" at me with the washcloth in the bathtub. The fire thing, well I join the consensus, get rid of those friends b/c that is just weird- not to mention dangerous. I would add that gun education is important from the get go- kids need to get how dangerous they are and that they are for killing people and that is bad- make it simple, but realize they will still find guns fascinating but hopefully the education part will offset any future desire to play with real guns!

As for the "friend" in the playing with fire...just don't be there next new years..... maybe they will get the message.

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.... hopefully the education part will offset any future desire to play with real guns!

Like sex education, it only heightens their fascination. Forbidden fruit and all that.

Well, I hope my kid has safe sex in the future, I guess I just don't think "safe gun play" really exists.

Safe gun play, rather use, does exist, I grew up in houses full of guns, my step father was and is an avid hunter, my Dad was a policeman. As a kid I had toy guns all I wanted but was never allowed to point even a toy one at a person. Not saying I'm advocating having them, I don't hunt anymore, but have nothing against it. My 6 year old son has that same fascination with them, and I'm trying to teach him the same rules I learned and also trying to minimize the ones he has but like others mentioned he will turn even a stick into one.

I guess the weirdo with the lighter reminds me that one should not fool around even pretending with something that is potentially very dangerous, including especially guns.

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Originally posted by jenna:
I just don't think "safe gun play" really exists.

Well, "I just don't think" denotes an opinion, right? I respect other people's opinion that guns can be dealt with in a safe way, but please also respect my opinion that guns are dangerous- period. I don't want to start some TOTALLY off topic gun conversation... really (too late!!). But, I did want to respond to jhelm.

quote:

Originally posted by jenna:

quote:

Originally posted by jenna:
I just don't think "safe gun play" really exists.

Well, "I just don't think" denotes an opinion, right? I respect other people's opinion that guns can be dealt with in a safe way, but please also respect my opinion that guns are dangerous- period. I don't want to start some TOTALLY off topic gun conversation... really (too late!!). But, I did want to respond to jhelm.

one should not fool around even pretending with something that is potentially very dangerous, including especially guns.

Maybe the word potentially put you off, I don't disagree that guns are dangerous, just trying to make a point that they can be dealt with in a safe way. Actually being raised around them and seeing first hand what they can do gives me a greater appreciation of their danger. The note about the guy flashing fire in the faces of kids, gave me the same sick in the stomach feeling I get every time I see some little kid point a toy gun at me or anyone and pull the trigger.

We can save the rest of the gun discussion for another topic.

quote:

Originally posted by jenna:

quote:

Originally posted by jenna:
I just don't think "safe gun play" really exists.

Well, "I just don't think" denotes an opinion, right? I respect other people's opinion that guns can be dealt with in a safe way, but please also respect my opinion that guns are dangerous- period. I don't want to start some TOTALLY off topic gun conversation... really (too late!!). But, I did want to respond to jhelm.

i don't know what is going on between some people on this board, but i would appreciate it if people wouldn't bash someone else on one of my posts, i'm not taking sides, im just asking the first person on my post that personally attacked someone for no reason to please not do it.
thank you and goodbye..........

quote:

i don't know what is going on between some people on this board, but i would appreciate it if people wouldn't bash someone else on one of my posts, i'm not taking sides, im just asking the first person on my post that personally attacked someone for no reason to please not do it.
thank you and goodbye..........

You are quite right 'dawnbee' - - EVERYONE has the right to their opinion and should respect the fact.

In all fairness though, the only person who needs to be 'personally attacked' on this thread is that mindless moron who thinks playing with fire near your babies is "A-OK" - it blo*dy well ISN'T!

(Sorry - I've broken the rules a bit here...but 'HE' deserves it!)

No one bashed anyone. Neither me to jhelm or jhelm to me (I think bashing would have been a personal insult). At least I didn't feel bashed. I agree as well, the focus was about advising the OP on what to do about lighters in kids faces. So, the consensus is in... it was very dangerous and disrespectful behavior.

We have a very eccentric uncle (in law) who also does that same 'trick' with his lighter. When i have asked him to stop he does - for the time being - only to whip it out again later. His only defense is that 'kids like it' (??!!) and it 'is not dangerous' since they are too small to use the flick action. This is the same uncle that will not hold any baby under 6 months of age as they are 'too fragile' and he would 'break them'....

Anwyay, he lives in Palermo and only comes to visit occasionally. We have not seen him for quite a few months now. Next time i am going to ask more about this lighter 'trick' and will post back his answers here. No one else (all the other (sicilian) relatives seem to mind. He stopped doing it with my daughter as she wasn't interested. HA!

Best means of response: Basta! Ti ho chiesto di non fare cosi, se non puoi rispettare i miei desideri puoi pure non tornare. (Enough! I have asked you to not do that, if you can't respect my wishes the you can just not come back.) Or: Se voui continuare ad venire a CASA MIA lascia l'accendino a casa tua. (If you want to continue to come into MY HOME the leave the lighter in your home.)

Italians are fairly forward, and if something is wrong will make it known, if he won't respect your firmness then don't answer the door next time. I'm not sure about the details of this situation but beware that the relationship may purely be to get access to exposure to the UK for their child.