Well, I've been in Rome for 3 weeks only and I already desperately want to go back home! I am an experienced expat too. I lived here for about 2 and a half years two years ago. I hated it then and I hate it now. I have an infant so it's not so easy to just go exploring Roma. My husband loves his job and so going back to the states is really not an option. I feel in complete despair! I miss my family, my stay-at-home mom friends, my church buddies...I miss the overall organization in the states. My husband ordered DSL almost three months ago and we are just now getting it! They messed up our washer/dryer and dishwasher order. Things take forever to get done here and I can't even get out as we have no car. I feel so helpless! I don't want to hop on a crowded bus with a baby and I have no idea where to buy things anyways, except at Panorama and Ikea which aren't exactly my favourite places to shop. I miss just being able to hop in my car with the baby and make a run to the mall or the store to pick something up, stop by a friends house, and not have to worry about traffic. Maybe this is just a vent, but it's also a cry for help. I know I can only help myself, but does anyone have any advice? I can't wait to go home and I just got here! I cry about it everyday. Ugh. I don't want to be a damper on life here in Italy, infact I love Italy...but I love it on vacation and without having to worry about daily life issues. Thanks for listening. I could go on and on, but I guess I'll stop here.

Hi Cassi,

Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I am sure most of us have been there too. I know I have

I was in a similar position to you when we first moved here at the beginning of July this year. My husband was relocated over here and loves his job and I am more than happy to go wherever it takes him, but those first few weeks were tough. I didn't (and still don't!) speak much Italian, I had no car (but I got one 3 weeks ago), and where we live is very rural, up a very steep hill and not in a village so I couldn't even walk anywhere to go for a change of scene or meet anyone. Apart from our dogs the only person I saw during the week was my husband.
We can't get ADSL up here, so initally (until the phone line was connected) I had no way of even e-mailing my friends in the UK and our plans to use Skype went out the window due to the speed of our dial up phone connection.
I think the main advice I could give you would be to sit back, take a deep breath and try to focus on what you can do rather than the things you miss. Would it be possible to buy a car as a way of getting some freedom? - I know it made a big difference to me as there is no public transport up here. Are there any other ex-pats not too far away that you could meet up with and share your gripes about Italy - sometimes it helps to laugh at the things that go wrong.
Try to stay positive and not let the 'downs' cancel out all the good things about living over here.
Yes, it can be soooo frustrating but learn to go with the flow and hopefully you will start to smile and be happy about living here.

Also, consider that life in italy works very differently from life in the US. You can't force Itlay to work like the US, but you can learn to us what Italy has to offer at its best. You say you live in Rome and that you feel locked inside without a car, but my experience is that in Italian cities a car is more of a burden than a way to gain freedom. You can't actually roam Rome (sorry) with a car due to the heavy traffic and lack of parking space, you will need to get yourself a good map of public transportation means and start using those, because they are faster and more flexible than a car in the cities (that's not true in the countryside, like the area where Carrie lives). Also, italy does not rely on malls for shopping. We are still into small shops scattered around the city centers. Start thinking about central Rome as your mall, and your neighborhood as well. Walk out and visit, explore your area. Look into each and every shop you hit, enter it, you don't have to buy anything, just familiarize with what's on offer. That will be your mall.

Hi Cassi,

Do you have any friends in Rome? I think if you could hook up with some people it would make life better here. Maybe if you hated it before, then perhaps you had already decided you weren't happy to come here anyway this time... I know it's hard but if you can try and make some friends and think positively I'm sure things will improve. And I'm sure you will be able to get back to the states every so often - or have people visit?
I agree with Alice too, that in an Italian ciy, having a car is not really necessary for getting around, it can cause more problems and stress than anything else.

Cassi,
How old is your baby? I will be in Rome for X-mas for 1-3 weeks and my MIL is in Piazza Viscovio, I would love to meet you. Email me. I am also worried about where to find mommy groups when we move to Rome in spring 2007. We even looked in the Montesacro area for a place.

My advice is keep reaching out to expats. I found two with kids here in Torino and a bunch without. I drive one friend to vaccinations then we have coffee. I offered to babysit so she can have her driving lessons and we hang out once a week or so. Also try hanging around your local baby store, you might meet another expat or Italian mom that might want to start a group.

Do not despair, my hubby says I will find more expats in Rome than here so I am hopeful. Take care and chin up.

AliceTwain - the trouble with Rome is that the public transport here really sucks. This is not Milan! We have only 2 subway lines and 4 million people. The buses are crowded, slow and usually late. This is why everyone has scooters.

That said I walk almost everywhere in Rome because I live near the center - where do you live, Catherine? Maybe you could find an apartment in an area which is close to a park, to transport and to interesting areas of Rome. Also- moving anywhere is hard, especially with an infant - you need to give it some time to make new friends and adjust.

About inefficiency though - I think the only way to deal is just not to expect much. Then, when your DSL is finally hooked up you can celebrate. Well, thats how I try to look at it anyway.

Alice Twain: I understand exactly what you're saying about getting out and going to the center. Infact, that's what I tried to do when I was single living here, and when I had more time. Now that I have a baby, getting out even in America was difficult. Here it's almost impossible. Like Ramona said, the public transportation here in Rome absolutely sucks and I live about an hour away from the center in terms of public transportation. I would love to visit the center more, infact it would help me a lot. But with an infant on the bus for an hour just to get there wouldn't be pretty! I live in Montesacro which is a nicer area with parks and such...I am going to try and go to parks more and maybe meet some more mommys, but it doesn't help that I'm shy! Anyways, thanks for your help and encouragement, it really is a breathe of fresh air!

quote:

Originally posted by catherineofsiena4:
Alice Twain: I understand exactly what you're saying about getting out and going to the center. Infact, that's what I tried to do when I was single living here, and when I had more time. Now that I have a baby, getting out even in America was difficult. Here it's almost impossible. Like Ramona said, the public transportation here in Rome absolutely sucks and I live about an hour away from the center in terms of public transportation. I would love to visit the center more, infact it would help me a lot. But with an infant on the bus for an hour just to get there wouldn't be pretty! I live in Montesacro which is a nicer area with parks and such...I am going to try and go to parks more and maybe meet some more mommys, but it doesn't help that I'm shy! Anyways, thanks for your help and encouragement, it really is a breathe of fresh air!

How about joining an English speaking mother's group. Surely some of the American or UK organisations in Rome must organise something (or maybe you can organise something yourself?) Maybe Santa Susanna has something or you could contact the American Women in Rome group (I think thats what it's called). As annoying as it must be to take your child on the bus into the center it might be worth it if you and your child get to socialise with other mums and babies. Also - how about getting a car? Most people I know here with kids (even in the center) seem to have them.

Catherine, I am shy too. But one thing that I have learned is that one lives better forgetting about being shy and just going ahead. I still get all sorts of unnatural colors on my face when I talk to a stranger, but I learned to do it, especially if the person interests me. I just ignore the sense of discomfort and heat (you know what I am talking about) and go ahead.

Many of the things you said Catherine I totally understand and agree .... I left Europe 10 years ago because I was tired of the service mentality, especially after I had experienced the US. Now in Italy ... it is pretty much still the same ... shops have the funniest clothing hours (i.e. our neighborhood DiPerDi is closed tuesday afternoon. Our fresh pasta store on mondays .. and 2 months in summer ... ). We also have decided not to by a car, the traffic for one and the fact that my wife does not drive ... and I often feel like I can't get out much. Most of the time I have our 2 year old boy to tend to, but he is going to kindergarten now. (Still no idea what to do with him all weekend, while mom is still on a business trip).

One thing that really really helped us, is that people and stores in our neighborhood now recognize us and have accepted us into their community ... most of them know our son's name now and even though we speak Italian poorly, they try to dosome chit chat with us. It has taken them a year to realize that we are not some of the short term Olympic people who came and went.

Still, i find it hard to make friends, mainly because of my role as a stay at home dad ... moms at the playground look at me very suspiciously. When I meet other dads at e.g. school functions, they have trouble to get my situation, they talk about jobs, careers and soccer, while I talk about diaper specials and recipes I met some nice moms at the school actually, one being an expat herself and we do some shopping from time to time together ...

From moving around the world that much I know that I will always find something to nag about the new place I am in .. and things I remember fondly / miss once I leave. I try to focus on the things I really enjoy, like the fantastic produce, the parma ham that actually has flavour (what I got in NY as parma ham was kinda dead). Sure I miss easy online shopping, malls, I keep reading from other moms about all the great things they do with their kids (swimming at YMCA).

The stay at home dad concept is something that especially the Italian male seems to have a problem with ... I keep getting weird looks like "how can he shop at the supermarket at this time of day?" But I am working on it to get over it. I also know that I have to improve my language skills ... I hope some of this is helpful ...

Cheers

Cassi, my heart really goes out to you because I am very shy myself and have an extremely difficult time making friends. Alice's advice is really good- you just have to go out there and start talking to people.

One thing I like to keep in mind when I start to get nervous talking to people that I don't know, is that as foreigner, I have a built-in excuse for being awkward! If an encounter doesn't go well, they won't automatically think, "What a weirdo!" Instead, they might attribute any oddness to my being from another culture rather than my actual lack of social graces.

Hi Cassi - I replied to your other post, but I'll add some things here. My first recommendation is that you get a wrap to carry your baby in. I didn't do this with my first two children and wish I had. It has really changed my life here. I have a Didymos wrap which seems complicated, but once you get used to it is fabulous. I have been carrying my daughter around it since she was born and she is now 6 months old. I walk everywhere or use public transport. It makes it so much easier dealing with the bus when I can just hop on and off and not have to wrestle with a stroller, and someone inevitably gives me their seat so it's almost like being pregnant again! Check the city bus website at http://www.atac.roma.it for the best routes to get from your house to anywhere in the city. It's an excellent website. I can't say your Rome-itis will get cured, but being mobile with the baby is an important first step and will make a world difference. I hope that helps!

I don't have kids, but I knew an expat who did and who made loads of friends via the US Embassy in Rome. She became part of a circle of mothers and toddlers, but I don't have any info about it. I'm pretty sure they have posters up about get-togethers and so on.

There's an Anglican church in Rome (don't know your denomination) and plenty of ads and so on from the www.wantedinrome.com (or is it perhaps www.wantedinrome.it)site. Of course, it means a hike into Rome, but that's not too far from Montesacro.

Other than that, I'd just second the advice from others who have posted. Settling in takes ages (especially in a place as unusual as Rome) and you need to almost abandon your ideas on how life used to be and go with the swing of things in a city that is so different. If you learn a few phrases in Italian you can go a long way in Rome, and you'll probably find that having a baby with you is a great conversation starter.

Good luck!

quote:

teacher

Cassi,

My heart goes out to you. HOw old is your baby? Having your first baby is such a huge adjustment, but doubly so if you're in a foreign environment away from those poeple who would normally support you. I have 4 children, the first 2 twins and experience has taught me that it usually takes about a year to actually start to feel normal again. Hormones are all over the place for quite some time, especially if you're breast feeding. Just give yourself some time, things can only get better as you get more familiar with Rome and having a little one to care for.
Arty

Dear Cassi,

If you are Catholic or if you don't mind hanging out with them, you might contact Santa Susanna American church and parish in Rome:

http://www.santasusanna.org/ourChurch/ourChurch.html

They not only welcome newcomers, they have an active English reading lending library where you can go for books and possibly to meet other English speakers. I know the parishoners must have children--so you would have something in common.

Buona fortuna,
Anne Marie

There's a Methodist Church in Rome too, used to go there as a kid. It's still there and worth a look for the community side. I may not be religious but being bought up Methodist means I've always loved singing!

Methodist Church English Language
Via Del Banco Di S. Spirito, 3
00186 Roma (RM)
06 6868314
stpaulsrome.it

It's right opposite the Castel Sant'Angelo, so a pretty good spot for public transport and as a landmark. We used to go there from EUR by public transport back in the 60s.

Wow! it's hard to respond to so many posts when I can only get on here every so often! Thanks so much for your interest and help! I am extremely familiar with Rome as I lived here previously for about three years. Life was much easier back then without a baby but I still hated living here! I love Rome, but it's just such a hard adjustment, I eventually moved back to the states out of frustration. I think part of my problem is that I am hoping to move back to the states in a year or two. I know I still need to make this my home because this is where I'm at now...argh!

I checked out Santa Susanna's website and it didn't say anything about a mommys group. I was thinking about starting one in my parish here?? It doesn't seem that there are many stay-at-home moms in this country, am I right??

English teacher and AliceTwain- I've actually had to put a lot of my shyness on the back burner because of the baby! It's amazing how much people notice a baby and will start talking to you! It's been tough that way!

lomalinda66 - I actually have 4 different baby carriers! I'm an avid baby carrier! I'm just nervous about venturing out into the city with my baby in general. You never know when you could end up stuck somewhere because of public transportation, strikes, etc. I breastfeed and do not like feeding in public as I feel too awkward. I'm just nervous about it...how do you do it??!

Caipirina - Wow! a stay at home dad! That's awesome. My husband said he really wouldn't mind being one himself. When I lived in the states the guy in the house next door to us was a stay at home dad. I feel like the stay at home thing in general is not a huge thing here. I wonder why that is.

And then there is the car situation... We're trying desperately though probably in vain, to get an automatic as I really don't feel like learning to drive a stick in Rome in the middle of all of this stress. We don't have a lot of free time to do that and my baby gets easily car sick. <sigh> It's hard not to get discouraged. But I keep trying to remind myself that it's only the 2nd month. But then that makes me feel upset at the same time because it means that I have that much longer before I can go home!

Thanks for listening!

quote:

Caipirina - Wow! a stay at home dad! That's awesome. My husband said he really wouldn't mind being one himself. When I lived in the states the guy in the house next door to us was a stay at home dad. I feel like the stay at home thing in general is not a huge thing here. I wonder why that is.

I get the impression that parents stay home less as salaries are generally so low here.

But Wow a Methodist church in Rome! I'm not hugely religious but sometimes as a (lapsed) protestant (Methodist) I get lonely in this sea of Catholicism here in Rome. I might have to check it out.

Cassi, just a thought - why don't you check out the www.babycentre.co.uk Italian page - there are a few mums there who live in Rome and have experience of breastfeeding in public and other stuff!

quote:

I get the impression that parents stay home less as salaries are generally so low here.

Funny, here in Calabria, it seems that a good percentage of women (whether moms or not) are stay-at-home. Maybe it's just the more traditional culture hanging on down here, because it certainly isn't because the salaries are great

Anyway, back on topic, if you haven't already, you could also have a look at britishexpats.com for some fellow mums.

Best of luck conquering Roma!!!!!

A stay at home mom is a person who has chosen not to work. What often happens in southern Itlay is that women are pushed out of the job market as soon as they get married. It has more relation with discrination than with free choice or tradition. There have been cases where women were asked, on being hired, to sign a risignation letter with no date: the employer would add the date as the woman got married.