Hi

I have posted a few things lately, as I am getting a tad bit nervous. I have read so many posts and I admire that so many people have their "stuff" together. Now, I am a little worried as I do not feel near as prepared as everyone else seemed to be before the move. I will be au pairing in Milan. I am worried at the moment that maybe I should have learned a bit more Italian. My plan is to take language classes for the entire year that I am there. The family I will stay with speaks both Italian and English, so they didn't need for me to know Italian. But, from looking at other people's posts, I am wondering if most people knew a fair bit of Italian before going. I don't really know any. Finally, for my question...Will I absolutely crumble when I get there. I am looking for some words of encouragement about anything, as I'm getting cold feet.

Nichole

Oh honey, you are going to be just fine - you will do just FABULOUSLY!!! And you will have all of us! Sure, I'll be down in Perugia, but hey - you can hop a train down on your day off and I'd love to hang out, or vice versa. It's really scary but once you actually get there, you'll do great.

Go to my blog (link is below, in my signature), and read the post titled "a girl who could..." and do the writing exercise that is in that post. It will make you feel SO MUCH better.

In the meantime, see if there are any cheap Italian classes you could take before you go. Or, get some Italian language CDs... never hurts.

Go girl Go!

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I am worried at the moment that maybe I should have learned a bit more Italian. My plan is to take language classes for the entire year that I am there. The family I will stay with speaks both Italian and English, so they didn't need for me to know Italian.

Nichole- stop the doubting! Look, it's normal to be nervous especially if you don't know the language. But you'll be entering into a "safe" environment where you'll be able to be understood and get help with your new city in English. You'll also be taking classes and surely get more comfortable with every class.

I thought I would absolutely flip out once I met my Italian roommates for the first time (my first time in Italy was when I studied abroad for a year). They only spoke Italian! But it was a riot! We totally got along with hand gestures, pointing, sound effects and a mixture of whatever common languages we knew. It was fun and not scary at all.

Getting around town will definitely be easier with a little Italian under your belt. But maybe buy some CDs like Tina suggested.

As for this:

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Finally, for my question...Will I absolutely crumble when I get there.

No WAY! Definitely visit Tina's blog. She's the epitome believing in yourself Then pick up an Italian language CD set and listen to a bit before you leave. Get some basic phrases down and RELAX! HAVE FUN!

You're in for an experience of a lifetime

You need some risk taking experience under your belt. This is a good, safe way to start getting it. If you allow yourself to feel crippled everytime you do something out of the ordinary, you will spend a life that is very ordinary.
Once you've done a few things, you will know that you are capable of dealing with the unusual and your choices for what's next will get broader and broader.
I know equal numbers of people who studied Italian before coming and those who didn't even look at a book. They, however, were coming here forever. Being an au pair is supposed to help you learn, right?
If you were heading off to collect butterflies in Amazonia without learning at least one language, I'd think you were being a bit ingenuous, but living in Milan with a bilingual family isn't quite like doing science among headhunters.
My niece spends every summer teaching English in a different country. She writes bulletins to us from Turkey, Bulgaria, Finland, all from the eyes of someone who finds much at which to wonder and with a sense of humor that has me rolling sometimes. Go forth. Laugh at a Turkish toilet. Make mistakes. Learn from them. It's how you grow up to be an interesting person.

Hi Nichole.
I was in a very similar situation to yours 10 years ago (that makes me sound old!) when I came to Italy as an au-pair after answering to an ad in a magazine. The only Italian I knew was pizza and pasta - so I knew that at least I wasn't going to starve! You will undoubtably learn the language really quickly - it's almost impossible not to living with an Italian family. I looked after a 2 year old girl and so together it was easy to exchange languages! She was already speaking a lot so we learnt together.. I even started saying a few words wrongly - as I'd learnt them from a baby like 'midammi' instead of 'dammi'. Anyway, really don't worry, you'll have a great time and going straight to a family means they'll look after you and help you. Plus as previous posts said. we're all here for you! Ps. I'm still here in Italy too!

Find an Italian boyfriend...

Oh WOW, everyone has been such great help, and I do feel much better after all the great advice. I feel as if I have friends already...and I do. I would definatley like to meet any of you if you are ever bored or interested in meeting a new and wild-eyed blond in Italy. (Bellissima Tina-can I call ya Tina? and Delina). Oh, and the italian boyfriend was a nice calming laugh...but if you know of any... just kiddin' Thanks everyone and I hope to hear from you again.

Ashley Nichole

Hello-
I've been here 23 years and its gone from bad to worse, but I am stuck here with an Italian husband who is linked to work and cannot get my life off the ground in work, social life or studies. I have studied here much and am still studying, and have a very bad relationship with many Italians who insult me heavily, condemning me in every way. They say I must be broken- it all started with some incredibly mean kids in my lyceum and hasn't stopped since. I asked my own country what to do, and now have fellow countrymen harassing me too under my window and on the street. Italy is not an easy place to live in. They are trying to disgrace me in every way and I refuse to give into this. I am lucky I love my husband, but the Italians and Americans harassing me are very tough to live with, if anyone gets harassed by Italians, I cannot advise anyone to go to police or the government, it just gets worse and worse, the Americans pick up on it and drive you even further into the ground. It is an infernal situation to live in. Any rebellion against the insults just gets you called crazy and tortured even worse. Italians are terrible to each other, its true, but it can also be true of Americans over here, at least from some who are targeting me. I am being insulted with outrageous obscenities day in and out since 1989 when this all started in my lyceum here, and the Americans started in on it when I asked for help and what to do a few years ago.There are many sadists among our people too,Americans are just as capable of this. I don't know what went wrong, I beleive it was because I married an Italian and I am caught between two peoples, neither accepts me anymore and I am being kicked like a football between the two. I cannot find friends among either people, only sadists who kick me around and denigrate my being with sick disgusting lies and taunts and brainwashing to destroy my humanity.But I am sure there are those who have it far worse than me here.It could be worse, enjoy what little good there is here in life, it can get far worse.Sorry for the sobering news, but there are far worse realities than you can imagine.
Cheer up and enjoy what is good , hold on to that and make it last. Ciao, Moon

Mooncactus - I remember you writing about this a long time ago. Did it not get any better? You hear about things like this happening to kids but to adults?

Moon--you are being vague about what happened, which is fine, but no one can offer a solution if we don't know what the problem is. But let me say this--no person who loves you would stay because of a job if this is as horrible as you say.

Good luck.

I remember you well Mooncactus - last October wasn't it?

I've posted my thoughts on the problems you describe (again) on the 'Does it get any better' thread where you also posted today.

Carole B.

Hi, Nicole. 31 years ago, I spent my junior year abroad in Siena, living with an Italian family who spoke no English. I discovered the program to study art at the last minute and was not able to study the language before I left. I remember being on the plane from NY to Milan, crying the entire way: people around me on the flight kept asking if I needed help, and thought I was going to a funeral! I had such pangs of regret, wondering what had possessed me to take such a risk and make a decision to live in Italy. I, too, knew barely a word, and when I arrived in Siena, felt like my knees would collapse before I could step off the bus. Needless to say, it was the best experience of my entire life. I did carry around a disctionary as if it was my life raft, but so much sooner than you can believe, the language will come to you. Try to focus on all the wondrous sites you will see, amazing people that you will meet, and experiences that you can only begin to dream of that will undoubtably occur. On a weekend trip to Venice with my class from Siena in 1975, I met a man who became my husband- we've been married for 28 years! You never know what's around the corner waiting for you, no matter where you are, but somehow in Italy there's magic. I've worked with college students over the past 25 years and seen countless of them scared before leaving to study abroad. I've never encountered one who regretted their decision.
You are brave, adventurous, and headed for wonderful times. Enjoy! By the way, these days are so much easier than it was my first time in terms of language. If you have an ipod, you can download Italian lessons, or as someone else suggested, get a CD- and that disctionary can still come in handy. But most of all, try to relax and appreciate the expereince that you have created for yourself!

That was just lovely Mindy!

Hope Nicholes' fears are put to rest!

Nicole are you listening? There's magic everywhere...if you want to find it.

"The world is so full of a number of things
I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings"
R.L. Stevenson

Mindy- great story! Can you believe how easily something so scary turns into the best choice you've ever made?!?!

Thanks, Bardigiana and Piccola Katie. Sounds like risk-taking, magic, and fate are part of your lives! Since returning from Italy less than 2 weeks ago my husband and I have started to fantasize about retirement to Italy (fantasy is always a first step!) His extended family maintains an empty little house in a tiny town in Italy, since it is where they had lived since the 1700's and the last living relative who lived there passed away (and had no children). So several of the American cousins (including us) pay a bit each year to keep it up. We have never been there, and from others in the family who have been, we know it's pretty basic and not too comfortable (especially the beds!) So now I'm fantasizing about first visiting there for a while next year (staying somewhere close by!) and then perhaps if we like it we could put some money into making a place where we'd like to be. The plumbing and electricity were recently done- it's just the furnishings and heating that are in need! What do you think?
By the way, I have a photo journal of our trip:
http://bobmindysitaly.blogspot.com
Thanks!
PS- I'd love to know about your lives in Italy. Have you written something?

Oh do it... DO IT!
What an opportunity you have to 'live the dream'. Why are you even hesitating for a second?

Doesn't matter how basic it is, nor what the furniture, fittings or whatever are like... Those problems can all be solved easily with a little bit of 'TLC'. You're at least 85% there with most of the 'glitches' that many have to confront.

Go on - be courageous - climb on that 'magic carpet', enjoy the ride and just see the satisfaction you'll get out of it - honest!

Carole B.

I can't think of any better place in which to retire. Sure as hell beats Florida. The nice thing about it is that you won't have the typical retirement problem of "now what do I do?" So many things to do in the kind of house you describe. Enjoy the dreaming and the planning too. Sometimes that's even better than the reality--but not always.

Mooncactus, I don't remember your previous posting, but although you are quite vague, it's clear you are very unhappy. Things seem to have gotten off to a bad start for you--sometimes it happens. But even when things start off all wrong, they can be made better.

I'm totally in the dark here, but just as a general rule of thumb, remember that we can't change anyone else's behavior; we can only change our own. So think about the things you are doing now that you can change to make things better. Maybe if people see that you are making an effort, they will make an effort too.

Mindy,

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PS- I'd love to know about your lives in Italy. Have you written something?

My latest Italian endeavor hasn't yet begun (I leave next Sunday! Yay!) but you can check me out at my blog.

Your love story is so cute!!!!!!! I loved looking through your pictures

Thanks, Katie. I loved reading your some of your blog for the last 20 minutes instead of working! It's great to hear how well your school treats its teachers! I work at a university and my college is also quite wonderful(though we haven't gotten a day at a spa yet!)You're a wonderful writer with a great sense of humor- is that a professional field you've considered?
Love the piece on your family's visit to NY. Funny- the day after we returned from Italy, my husband turned on the TV for the first time and what came on was "Light in the Piazza" (it was on PBS, I think.) Anyway, we were glued to the screen. I'm so happy for you that things are going well. You're so lucky to be going into such a fabulous adventure with your own great romance

Thanks, Katie and Emily. I meant to say that the house in a little town in Sicily, which somehow seems even further away than "Italy
Your words of encouragement are precious and I'll keep dreaming!