Hello

I've been feeling a bit homesick and wondered what anyone else did to relieve this? or if anyone knows of any groups or evening classes in Rome that could keep me busy. I moved here to be with my boyfriend who's italian and he's lovely but i want to find friends and places i can go where people speak English. I am learning Italian but its a slow process and im feeling a bit isolated at the moment which isnt good. Does anyone have any good ideas? many many thanks

Hi there, Bernardo here and feeling your situations a bit similar to mine. I know what u means about homesick, skill language and more as my partner Paul ( Portland Oregon ) leave US almost three years ago to stay with me here in italy. He is still taking italian classes, looking for job and others stuff that arent so easy for some coming here at 40ys old. I know will be different if u are young but become more complicated if u are aged. Anyway our situation is reversed as i'm the italian boyfriend and he is the homesick. Sometimes become for me too hard to give a sense to everithing. He feel mostly of the time bored at home and he have problem to socialize with people. We're living in tuscany in a small country and this dont help for sure. Our love sometimes is affected from this situation but so strong is the relation that we come over. A big kiss and hugh and please dont give up!!!!

Hi Claire,

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think most Expats have times when they get homesick. I'm sure it will pass soon. My tips for keeping homesickness at bay are to keep busy and to try and make friends if you haven't done already. There are lots of expats in Rome - quite a few on this board too. Good luck.

Ciao Claire!
I can totally relate to what you are going through. I moved here for love as well and have been in Rome for a year and half. I still feel homesick all time! Let me know if you want to get together for drink or something! My email is Jessica at Jessica in Rome dot com.

I am middle-aged and moved here with my Italian born husband and school-age child about a year ago. It is rough going at times, especially around holidays. Here's what I do:

I go to www.slowtalk.com and look at the Italy forum and trip reports. There you'll find people who save all year just to come to Italy for two weeks. Their enthusiasm helps me appreciate what I have at my fingertips.

I then go to the website of what used to be my local newspaper. Lots of sensationalized acts of violence and pressure to buy buy buy. Glad I'm away from that.

I drink a nice glass of inexpensive local wine, look out at the Appenine hills, hear the bells on the sheep and the songs of the birds(well, I'm in a rural area!) and pick up the book that my book club is discussing next month.

When I'm really lonely I get on Skype and call my friends in the USA. I feel less lonely then.

I'm trying to make friends here too, but it takes time. Pick up a copy of The Roman Forum or check out the online sources of all that's happening in Rome. There are book clubs, sculpture classes, walking groups, etc, all geared for expats. You may find friends in your Italian class. Can you work? I met a nice group of people in the non-intensive CELTA course I took in Rome, all native English speakers who were looking to teach English. You can certainly find people for a cup of coffee through this site. Just call for a local GTG!

You'll find your niche. It just takes longer than we'd like.

I noticed on another thread that Claire is English. So I assume home is England. Rome to England has a good choice of low cost flights (Ryanair, Jet2, Easyjet)so it's really not that difficult for you to get back home when you want to. Much easier than it is more many others on here As you are living here I don't recommend that you fly off too often as you need to concentrate on making a life here. But it's nice to know you can if you really want to.

To follow Delina's point, try and get some friends out to visit _you_ on those cheap flights. It'll help maintain those important friendships as well as getting you to think about your local area.

Language is key, of course, but I notice all of the other posters are in relationships. Does this inhibit you in talking to people or do you think it an irrelevant point? I'm resolutely single and always have been but will talk with anyone!:-)

I'm not denying the attraction of having somebody to natter to in your own language (and Skype/phone helps me in that) but also develop your local network of familiar faces. I have a round of bars at apperitivo time and it sometimes helps me just to have a familiar face to say hello or address me by name. Try out local pizzerias at lunch time - take a briefcase or similar if you want protective camouflage - in the evenings I've had raised eyebrows and 'sola?' which makes me want to go off on one!:-) The second time they'll remember you and say hello, go in with your partner one evening and it'll then be a place where you'll feel more comfortable and you'll begin to feel more part of the community. You can then take your friends when they visit and impress them how you're fitting in!

All the above advice is great but just to let you know, it isn't easy and getting homesick is one of the hardest parts that everyone has to go through at the beginning. I have been here about a year now and still getting days when I just want to go back home so I can ring up a few friends head to a wine bar and spend the evening putting the world to rights.

The best thing for me has definitely been to get skype. Being able to see the person you talk to makes them seem a lot nearer. Just being able to show the new haircut or the dress you bought means you feel more involved and less isolated.

Of course making friends here is going to help you settle, but it takes time. I think in Rome there are a few expat groups that meet up once a month for apperativo. If you are just starting to learn Italian it might help to meet some English speakers just so you can be yourself without having to think about the language. (Eurocircle or something similar??) Check out the wanted in rome website too.

Hope you start to feel more settled soon!

I also get this feeling, not until a couple of months in but it does happen! Having Vonage and high speed internet and being able to keep in touch with friends and family has been great.

I also lament not having enough friends, and I already knew before I left the States that this would be the biggest challenge. I was living in NYC, so you can imagine the difference between that and a small town in Tuscany, where there is little to do after-hours and it's hard to get to know new people that I don't work with. If anyone is in Tuscany and wants to get together let me know!

Thanks everyone for your support it made me feel a bit better knowing im not alone out there feeling homesick! And yes it would be great to meet up with anyone out there for a drink and a chat! This is a challenge and i dont want to give up and your right i am lucky to be living here when alot of people only get to spend maybe a weeks vacation here! Thanks for all the suggestions and support its helped.

Many many thanks to all!

If you have a computer even with a dialup connection, you can listen live to BBC Radio.
(www.bbc.co.uk/radio4 is a good starting point).

It's incredible soothing - and when you hear the news about Heathrow T5 shambles, council tax rises etc, it just makes you relieved you don't live there anymore !

You can also access all UK national newspapers (and quite a few local regional ones too) online.

quote:

when you hear the news about Heathrow T5 shambles, council tax rises etc, it just makes you relieved you don't live there anymore !

Very true. Reading the Daily Mail is guaranteed to make you glad you made the move.

Hi Claire!

I can totally relate as well. In general, my life here is good and I really can't complain at all, but then I think back to how my life was in the States and all the things I miss and my FRIENDS there that I miss like crazy and it can make me really depressed. Luckily I usually snap out of it in a day or so. I can also relate to Bernardo's post about his partner feeling very "bored," especially living in a small town. I live in the countryside outside of Rome and I am fine when I am in the city, but on the days when I am cooped up at home and it is rainy or cold out, I go a little crazy. If you want to meet up some time in Rome, shoot me an email: breda@alum.dartmouth.org

quote:

Originally posted by Delina:

quote:

when you hear the news about Heathrow T5 shambles, council tax rises etc, it just makes you relieved you don't live there anymore !

Very true. Reading the Daily Mail is guaranteed to make you glad you made the move.

Yes thats what happens to me when the weather is cold and not so nice i go a little crazy and it makes the homesickness worse. I havent really been out much couple of trips to the centre of Rome but stayed in the local area to the flat mostly. I really value everything everyone has replied to me thanks again. And it would be wonderful to meet up for a drink!

Hi Everybody who is homesick. I am getting married in less than 30 days to an italian and we're living in the North. I am homesick alot. I am nervous that I won't ever adjust and will always be in this constant state of shock. I hate driving here, there is nowhere to park after near death experiences with little fiats everywhere going way too fast and too close, I can't even find a place to put the damn car.
I call driving here a video game from hell.
Here, we all live on top of each other without climate control, ice or dryers. (Yes I am an american and it's hot here) There are few swimming pools and if there are, they are city run with a two hour time slot for a million people to share one lane, kind of like driving here or the market on Friday at 19:19. I think honestly it will be very hard to have a true friendship with an Italian woman, we have different views of the world, the roles women play, etc... I feel isolated quite a bit. Skype has been great, I have a colorado number that rings here and my girlfriends call me when they are driving to work in the morning. I love that I am getting out and meeting people, that has been helpful. Some creature comforts that we just found is Sky TV. You switch a button and it changes to English. I have watched more tv in the last few weeks than I have in a year, but it is helping! Writing this and knowing someone will read this and understand my situation makes me feel better. We are not alone, there are 6 million US expats out there. The problems and feelings that I am having right now are not what i anticipated. I wish i could get that clear vision back that I had before moving here and starting from zero. I love my husband to be and I know that i am exhausting him and I feel bad always pointing out what annoys me about italians and italy and at the same time I want to be honest and let him know what frustrates me. It's a double edged sword. I fear that i am be resentful. Enough mental gushing here. The thing that has helped me the most is the gym, working out and taking classes. You can spend hours there and people know your name. Not too mention counteract all the food and wine! Good luck to everyone reading this that is feeling down. The adjusting period is like the ocean: tides of joy and tides of saddness but eventually the water will calm. Jill

Ciao, Jill. I'm glad that you found this forum as there are many wonderful people here that are willing to lend and ear and also to offer you advice. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down right now. IMHO, it can be difficult to get adjusted to life in a country where the language is new and the lifestyle is so drastically different then what you are accustomed to. Don't beat yourself up about having these kind of feelings. However, to battle these feelings, the most important thing is to fill your day with things that you enjoy doing, and to challenge your body both physically AND mentally. (Sounds as though you have been doing this from your post.) It is natural to feel overwhelmed by the negativity, which may make you second-guess your choices for a future here. Try to find something to feel positive about though, to balance each negativity. Finding the positives will be difficult at first, but perhaps in time, the positives will then begin to out-weigh the negatives. Don't let the negatives consume you.
I have been here for 7 years and I have grown to love this country, warts and all. However, my first 8 - 10 months were miserable even though I truly wanted to move to Italy. MANY times during those months, I felt like hopping the next plane back to NY, but I didn't...I enrolled in a language school, tennis lessons, took out a gym membership, gave FREE English lessons, biked like crazy, walked my a*& off, learned a bit about gardening and explored hundreds of little communities off the beaten paths in the nearby mountains by myself. It was during these excursions to "nowhere" that I realized how wonderous this place can really be. Now I dread the thoughts of having to move back to the states. (The bad driving here still makes me absolutely CRAZY, though.)
The solutions are never easy because they take time...so hang in there, Jill and welcome to a wonderful forum.

Thank you for writing. It's nice to hear that it gets easier. I received this link from a friend: http://tcc.itc.it/people/rocchi/fun/europe.html

It made me smile Especially the parking and driving slides.

Enjoy!

Hi Jill, welcome to Torino and congratulations on your upcoming marriage. We'll be meeting at the Torino May 23 aperitivo (anyone else out there do come along....post here for info or contact me at sabauda at g mail dot com). I too moved to Italy 5 years ago and married an italian. You are lucky to have found this great site. Culture shock and The Adjustment: it's a long, fascinating, sometimes very lonely and maddening journey! I wish you luck with it all!

I love that link Jill! my BF who is Italian couldnt stop laughing when he saw it! hee hee

Im glad this website is here, when i first did this thread i didnt realise there were so many people who had gone or going through what i was feeling and now i realise there are so many of us and we can support eachother even just by the odd post here and there.

I have realised you should never give up and the first 6 -8 months as everyone said are the hardest, especially not knowing anyone, the langugage barrier (if your only just learning italian like me) can make things difficult even scary. But as others have said if we keep busy going to the gym exploring our new surrounding, doing courses things get better, we meet people in the same situations as us, we make friends and slowly in time this strange place becomes and feels like home.

My BF repeatedly says to me view this as an adventure, explore, see through the eyes of a child and it will be fun and interesting to get to know your surroundings. We shouldnt let our fears of difference and change stop us from growing and being who we are.

I have found a website called 'friends in rome' they arrange get togeathers, city tours etc so people can make friends with others who have just started living in Rome if anyone is interested And im sure that there must be other sites like this for areas outside Rome! if not why doesnt someone try and create one its a very good idea and brings people togeather!

Just wanted to say thanks with regards to that website "friends in rome". I have signed up and hope to meet fellow expats in Rome area.

Theres some good groups on facebook as well if you search under groups theres: Expats in Rome, language exchange in Rome, 30 somethings living in Rome.

There really good and always have things happening each week! I would really recommend them to everyone living in Rome, the people are friendly

My name is Jenny, I'm an assistant producer for a TV company in the UK called Fever Media.

We are making a TV series about British Expats that are considering moving back to the UK but are yet undecided.

The details are below, please let me know if you would like to find out more or feel free to pass it on to any people you think might be interested!
Best
Jenny.

ITV is offering homesick British ex-pats the chance to come home!

Every year more and more Brits are giving up their life in the sun to move back to the UK – last year more than 80,000 expats came home.

The decision to go home however is a tough one and can be a huge ongoing dilemma for the whole family.
To investigate this phenomenon, ITV1 is making a second series of the day-time documentary ‘No Place Like home?’

Families who take part will get the chance to be flown back to Britain to test-drive the reality of life there. It’s an opportunity to fact-find, and equip themselves to make an informed choice - to remain an expat or realise it’s time to come back home.

If anyone is interested in taking part or knows someone who may be suitable, please email:

Jenny.popplewell@fevermedia.co.uk

Tel: 00 44 (0) 20 7428 5758