It happened again last night. As we were leaving a party, the hostest and I went to do the double air-kissy cheek-to-cheek thingy and she went for one side and I went for the other, causing an embarassing close-up fumble.

Does this happen only to me? Is there a CORRECT cheek to start with, like using your right hand to shake?

Left first by my experience.

We've run into the same problem. We asked a local. He said there's no rule. Who knows?

When I see my friends I just give them a bear hug. They're surprised at first but then they laugh and hug right back, and kiss any way they want.

No rule, no rule!

Once I stopped and said, on a similar situation.
Ok, wait. I go this way, you go that way!
Imbarassing? NOOOO
FUN!

I invariably go left first and invariably get it wrong.

They say there's no rule but really, most people go left first - not the left cheek, but actually moving your head to the left so your right cheeks touch first.

Left always works for me...

OK, it looks like I should lead with my left. that is, right cheeks together first.

A follow up question:
When and with whom do you appropriately engage in this activity? Only very close friends? Man-to-man never? How about the thriple play 3 cheek kiss? Only relatives?

I always get in trouble when I go back to Ireland and go for the two kisses - they generally only do the polite hug there. Then when I go to Holland I have to remember the third kiss. Then when I come back to Italy I have to remember to drop the third kiss.

I once went to give an Italian friend, who is much shorter than me, the two kisses and she was heading in the opposite direction and our noses collided with so much force that she was rubbing the bridge of her nose afterwards. I felt terrible!

I know that many men in the south kiss each other. Last year we met up with a friend of a friend from the south for an afternoon and when he left he gave my husband a kiss on the mouth. I still rib him about it - his first 'Italian man kiss'. Personally I think it is really nice the way that Italian men can be tactile with each other without being self-conscious.

I swear it has been almost always left cheek to left cheek. I mistook it once when I hadn't seen a friend for a long time and put my nose in her eye. Guys do it here too.

I think it is usually left cheek first, too. I usually pause for a second and see which way they are heading and then "move in" accordingly. I live in the South and the guys do kiss each other (although I haven't seen any of them kissing on the mouth!)

I always go left cheek first. (My left cheek to their left cheek)

I used to just stay still until the other person came in, and after I felt comfortable, I started always going left cheek forward. Haven't had any fumbles in years.

quote:

Originally posted by kerry:
I know that many men in the south kiss each other. Last year we met up with a friend of a friend from the south for an afternoon and when he left he gave my husband a kiss on the mouth. I still rib him about it - his first 'Italian man kiss'. Personally I think it is really nice the way that Italian men can be tactile with each other without being self-conscious.

I have never seen man kissing on the mouth in Italy. They must have mixed up the cheeks to offer! Or they were mafiosi!

In the mafia tradition the kiss on the mouth of the old padrino to the new accolite is to seal his mouth, like saying, you are one of us now, never say anithing about us... but I really doubt that the kiss you saw was one of this.

But you are right, generally speaking men do touch eachother more here.
Without being too worried about it!

There is no rule for the kiss on the cheek thing.

You can usually understand what cheek go first from the body motions, when the other leans toward you.
And of course, there may be mistakes especially with people you have just met and you are a bit nervous with.

I don't like this cheek to cheek thing like we use it in Italy. Too wide, I would prefer a simple handshake but they often get offended if you refuse a kiss and to kiss.

The hug would be perfect, but in Italy it is used only in particular situations, involving more feelings such as religious ceremonies, occasional meetings, when comforting someone,...
Not as much as it is used in the US.
I tried to substitute the kiss on the cheek with the hug but they exchanged me for a stalker


The kiss on the mouth is typical of Russians, but I can swear I've never seen one between man (except between gay partners, of course) in Italy.

It happens to me too sometimes! But usually I understand it before.

More than this, my problem is: how many kisses? Usually italians use only 2 kisses (one for cheek) while in other euro countries they use 3 of them. Young italian people also use 3 of them so I always have to ask: "do you want 2 or 3?!" and so we usually decide for 4...

When the three kisses-use spreaded in Italy I was very young. I think it was back in the early '90.

I remember I heard "let's kiss three times like the Russians do".

Anyway there are people who kiss twice and who kiss three times also in the youngers.

Uhm but I always saw my family kiss each others on the cheek also when I was very young (the 80's)...

quote:

Originally posted by Pola:
The kiss on the mouth is typical of Russians...

I'm fourth generation Russian on my fathers side, and I still kiss my father and grandfather on the lips, as do they each other.

It's funny because I never even thought about it, or that others don't do it in the US, until I got into my early twenties. At which time I actually thought about it, and realized that not everyone does that, though by then, I'd far outgrown any insecurities that I might have had in my youth about the practice.

Interesting original inquiry though...

Looks like no consensus...

All this "when I was young - in the 80's and 90's" makes me smile (well chuckle actually).

Why? Well 'cos when I was young in the 40's (no - NOT the 1840's - do you mind..), nobody kissed 'anybody' on the cheek!!!!

A state of affairs that continues to this day among many English.Of course there are those who wish to demonstrate their 'superior knowledge' of all things 'continental' who enjoy all the 'Wha - Wha' of an 'air kiss'.

Carole B

quote:

'Wha - Wha'

Carole, you've just reminded me- there's a film by Richard Grant about growing up among the 'Wha - Wha' colonial society in Swaziland in the 50's-60's. I saw a clip from it and you're right, they're an 'air-kissing' lot. I want to see it but it's not out on DVD yet.

Carole... eheh

Anyway I asked mum: she was born in 1953 (she will be very happy that I tell it to all the forum lol) and she told me that she always remembered the cheek kiss...

quote:

Originally posted by Ember:
Carole... eheh

Anyway I asked mum: she was born in 1953 (she will be very happy that I tell it to all the forum lol) and she told me that she always remembered the cheek kiss...

Hi Ember,
But I somehow think your Mum was born and grew up in Italy - Right?
It has, to the best of my knowledge, always been a custom in southern Europe.

Carole B.

Oh ok, then I didn't exactly understand what you meant...