Hello. I do not currently live in Italy but am considering it. I recently visited Rome and fell in love with Italy. I am a journalist and advertising copywriter, so I can work from anywhere. I have a bachelor's degree and master's degree. I have two categories of questions: one relating to working and living in Italy and the other to dating. I would love to hear the experiences of Americans adjusting to life in Italy. I can continue working with my American clients but the dollar is so weak, my money will only get me half as far. What have other freelancers done? Try to get work in other EU countries or the UK? I am learning Italian but am not fluent. I am planning to attend a language course there in early July. Is there a large ex-pat community that gets together often?
And my next concern is what to expect from an Italian man I met during my trip. He is 30 years old, does not live at home, has an advanced degree, is a VP of a company there, and lived in Latin America for 5 years on his own. We met and shared a passionate kiss but nothing else (my decision). We have instant messaged every day since my return three months ago. Our conversations were mostly about getting to know each other but lately he's been talking about sex.
He knew I was returning to take this class but he thought I was moving there and says I should stay longer. He doesn't make grandiose promises to me or go over the top with his compliments. He gives them for sure, but nothing cheesy. I am not sure what to think about his intentions. I don't know if he sees starting a relationship or having a fling. I could ask him but I don't want to freak him out. He seems progressive and ambitious. Right now, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself or overly romantic notions. I plan to visit and have fun and see what comes of it. But based on what I've shared, any guesses as to what he's looking for? I don't know anything about the modern Italian single man. Thanks!
I plan to visit and have fun and see what comes of it. But based on what I've shared, any guesses as to what he's looking for? I don't know anything about the modern Italian single man.
Plan to visit and have fun, nothing more, it's very hard to move to Italy. The modern Italian man, selfish, self centered momma's boy. Don't get your hopes up for anything more than some fun and maybe some good sex.
As far as work is concerned non-existent. If you can continue to work online from Italy, you are way ahead of the game. And your pay though cut in half by the dollar value will still probably be more than most Italians make.
Now I've said the negative part, if your Italian man proves himself to be different, which is of course possible, then things can be good, just keep your eyes open.
Just as you would try to find out as much as you could about a new car that you were thinking of buying, you need to do the same with this man if you are thinking long term. However, you would be wise to do this with any man from any country. Don't believe in stereotypes and use your heart and your head!
Living in Italy is not like visiting on vacation. First off, do you have EU citizenship? If not you will need a visa to come over and live here. To get the visa it would need to be:
1) Work visa - hired by an Italian company or an American company in Italy - either way it is close to impossible to obtain a work visa
2) Study visa - attend an accredited school here
3) Long Stay Visa - you have to have a lot of money in the bank to prove you do not need to work. You cannot work with this type of visa, even as a freelancer (yes I know there are many who do work on a long stay permit BUT they are breaking the law and if things continue as they are, they will get caught and expelled from Italy)
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Cristina,
Cristina
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I'm not a freelancer but I have a couple of friends who are foreign freelancers living in Italy. The most important point is that made by Cristina above - you need to either have an EU passport or a valid visa (not a tourist visa). If you have that - a) despite the US dollar being so low you'll probably find that US companies pay significantly more than Italian companies. Unfortunately wages are low here. b) one of my freelancer friends has had success finding clients in the Netherlands and Germany (she's American) - these are her best paying clients and they pay in euro!
Re the guy - this is the age-old female pastime of analyzing a guy's behaviour. Don't move here for him (obviously!) - you've shared a kiss so far and that's it so you really haven't gotten to know him that well on either a biblical or personal level. But maybe come here for another vacation (or he could visit you) to see how things go.
I agree with Ramona. Take your time. Get to know this man.
Unless you have EU citizenship will not be able to work here without the right visa. Getting a work visa as a freelancer will be very difficult as it would be for an Italian moving to the U.S.
Re: the single Italian man, while my friends do love their moms none of then are self-centered mama's boys. All live on their own, have great jobs and are ambitious. Yes I am a little older and my friends are mostly in their mid 30/early 40s.
The modern Italian man, selfish, self centered momma's boy. Don't get your hopes up for anything more than some fun and maybe some good sex.
I know I am stereotyping and I am going to be attacked, but I am going to go with Jhelm on this one. This guy may be the greatest thing since sliced bread (and nutella), but definitely check for red flags- please, do as I say and not as I do! Does his mother call more than once a day? Check his friends out, says a lot about a person. Would he take you home to meet his family? Is he "against the institution of marriage"? [my personal favorite!]
Originally posted by Damien: Just as you would try to find out as much as you could about a new car that you were thinking of buying, you need to do the same with this man if you are thinking long term. However, you would be wise to do this with any man from any country. Don't believe in stereotypes and use your heart and your head!
Couldn't agree more! And for the record, I personally know many, many honorable, mature italian husbands (including my own!).
Originally posted by jenna: Is he "against the institution of marriage"? [my personal favorite!]
Does anything about opposing the old, stale, burgeoise, and essentially malecentric institution of marriage have anything to do with either gender or being serious about a relationship?
Originally posted by Ramona: But maybe come here for another vacation (or he could visit you) to see how things go.
One good plan may be consdiering a really long vacation here. On a Schengen visa you can stay in Italy for up to 90 days with no need for a PdS (stay permit). You could move in, while keeping up with your current job to pay for things, and stay here for three months, looking for a shared apartment where to live (it's just for a few months) and doing a life that's about the same as you would in Minneapolis. You would work, shop for groceries, look for friends... It would be temporary and still not 100% like living here full time, but it could still give you a very good taste of what may your life in Italy be, as well as allowing you and "the guy" to get to know each other a bit better.
In fact the Italian men I know who have hooked up with American women do not fit the stereotype I mentioned, however, I have also know women who got hurt, stereotypes develope because they tend to be true on average weither we like it or not. So my original comment was intended as a kind of wake up/keep your eyes open call that's all. Love can be blind you know.
Does anything about opposing the old, stale, burgeoise, and essentially malecentric institution of marriage have anything to do with either gender or being serious about a relationship?
Ommm... I'm going to go out on a limb and answer "yes" to your question. It is one thing for a person, male or female, to be against the institution of marriage, but sometimes its used as an excuse to not commit. I was trying to be funny... but I realize these comments do lose tend to lose their light-heartedness on message boards.
Does anything about opposing the old, stale, burgeoise, and essentially malecentric institution of marriage have anything to do with either gender or being serious about a relationship?
Maybe, maybe not, but I always thought the old (not that long ago) institution of marriage was about women getting married so they could stay home, drink coffee and smoke with their friends and have affairs with the milk and post men. Then ***** at their husbands for not making enough money, feed them overly fat foods and kill them off at an early age, so they could collect the retirement and life insurance and have even more free time.
Maybe, maybe not, but I always thought the old (not that long ago) institution of marriage was about women getting married so they could stay home, drink coffee and smoke with their friends and have affairs with the milk and post men. Then ***** at their husbands for not making enough money, feed them overly fat foods and kill them off at an early age, so they could collect the retirement and life insurance and have even more free time.
Wow, you seem to know so much about me... although I feed my hypothetical husband too much food so he'll get so fat that no other woman will want him. Okay, I am totally kidding, this is so off topic, I couldn't resist!
I was living in London when i get my Italian BF, we did the long distance thing for 5 months and then he asked me to move to live with him here in Rome and i dont regret it for a second. Even when it can he hard sometimes and i get homesick, it felt right and i wanted to be with him.
So see your Italian fella more and more and see how you feel. Dont be frightened to ask questions ever, even personal ones! If you dont ask you never know thats my policy.
Lilred did say her Italian man had lived in South America for 5 years (let's hope he wasn't sending his laundry home to Mama from Santiago - that would make a great contribution to the 60 Minutes about mammoni!) I know somewhere between Israel, Italy and Colorado I stopped being a Daddy's girl.
I'm totally with the person who suggested the 90 visit. You can get a good idea of a country in that time if you deliberately eschew touristy behaviour and expectations.
And, of course, Lilred, you can expect a bad attack of the fashion sheep. You can expect to spend 20 years getting the pasta just right. You can expect to accquire familiarity with cleaning habits that you hitherto never imagined possible. You can expect (because you are a soppy Anglo) to have some wit offer to feed you on horse and robin. You can expect blokes to stare honestly and appreciatively at your cleavage and have conversations with it (seriously, two months into living here last time I named my boobs feeling they had somehow acquired personhood) and - my favourite - you can expect to stand around an extra five minutes in the pharmacy while someone neatly wraps up your tylenol in crisp white tissue.
Originally posted by jenna: It is one thing for a person, male or female, to be against the institution of marriage, but sometimes its used as an excuse to not commit. I was trying to be funny...
Don't worry, some of us realised the spirit in which it was intended.:-) A similar classic that I've heard personally is 'I'm bisexual' as a reason for cheating on a partner. The issues are separate!
Posts: 728 | Location (City & State): Valle d'Aosta | Registered: 24 November 2005
I'm here I'm here!! I really enjoyed reading all of the replies! I forgot to bookmark this site and had to go on a little hunt to find it again. I have decided to come for a visit only and enrolled in an intensive language course at an accredited school. I have been working with a private tutor from Italy who says my Italian is impressive for the length of time I've been speaking.
I've been letting the Italian man lead the way ... seeing where he goes with this. He's progressing nicely and appropriately. Getting more and more personal. He does cute things so we can "know each other better" like word association games. He was disappointed that I am only coming for 3 weeks to start. He said I should come for 2 years minimum! Sorry ... I'm not independently wealthy. I do have some money in the bank, though and could possibly do the 90 day stay. I want to do a trial run first. I want to see how things go adjusting to the culture and assess how things go with Mr. Romance. It is quite exciting though. He seems to be genuinely interested in getting to know me. I recently found out that his dog's name is Indian and MY dog's name is Indian ... what a crazy coincidence. He loves Brazilian food and so do I. We both love to travel. I really don't think he's a momma's boy. He hasn't even mentioned her once but he talks about his sisters. So hopefully he understands women better than the average man.
Anyway, thank you SO much for your lovely insight into Italian culture, work life and men! Ciao!
I think it is a good start that he does not live at home as so many still do in their late 20's and 30's until they get married really. Italian men know how to flatter a woman, well some years ago when I was on the dating scene anyway.
Expats in Italy Forum 
Don't move here for him (obviously!) - you've shared a kiss so far and that's it so you really haven't gotten to know him that well on either a biblical or personal level. 
But maybe come here for another vacation (or he could visit you) to see how things go.
and - my favourite - you can expect to stand around an extra five minutes in the pharmacy while someone neatly wraps up your tylenol in crisp white tissue. 
Whatever happened to Lilred???