Hey guys. Geez, where do I begin...

I landed in Firenze two days ago and having severe jet lag and going through a long orientation at the Villa Pietra for NYU, I finally made it to my homestay! Problem was, the girl who was suppose to be living with me dropped out of the program and the mother spoke no english! I was all alone and scared and completely disoriented. Now, two days later, I'm a little better [meeting people at orientation and such] but I'm still shocked beyond belief. I don't have anyone in my neighborhood to hang out with who's american and the shock of being in Firenze makes me completely forget what little italian I know as soon as I leave the door! Suggestions? Reaffirmations ? I know that I'll get used to it, but it just seems so different now that I'm here... How can you go from wanting more than anything to be in Firenze to only wanting to go back home?! Thanks for the help. I may not respond until monday b/c I can't get to campus easily from my homestay and have no internet access there, but I'd appreciate anything you guys can help me with. Grazie!
-Lara

Lara, it's just a little case of panic. Rleax, breathe deeply and it will get better. Detail what you need to do and face tasks one by one, calmly. Things will smooth out!
Also, get off panic and in awe by taking long strolls near the Duomo. Get elated by the though that you are actually there, living within Renaissance.

quote:

Originally posted by Baracuda:
I don't have anyone in my neighborhood to hang out with who's american

Can't you do that at home every single day? Get out there!

Walk around and listen to those around you. You will hear much more English than you think out there. When you do, stop them and chat a bit.

In fact, I bet that once you settle in, one of your complaints will be that there is too much English in Firenze!

Lara, you must be kidding!
No english spoken IN FLORENCE??
Somebody calls Tuscany the 51st state!!
Do not worry, follow the others advice. Go in any piazza and listen, you'll find somebody to be friend to!

Hi Lara,

You sound a little overwhelmed. You have spent so much time in preparation for this adventure. Although you had questions along the way, your ultimate goal was clear: to get your visa and get to Florence.

Now that you are there, the scenario you envisioned has changed. You don't have the roommate you were expecting, la signora doesn't speak English, and you are in unfamiliar surroundings.

Give yourself time to adjust -- your body clock is out of whack and you are experiencing a totally different environment. Your home has changed, your food has changed (yum!), your language has changed. Sometimes these changes can make us feel a little lost, that our life is temporarily out of control.

The good news is that you will be starting classes soon and will be meeting many people who share your lifestyle and your interests. Every day you will become more and more familiar with your routine and with your environment. The language will come naturally, as you go about your day.

You've made a big life change and need to allow yourself time to adjust. By the time you read this I'll bet you're already feeling a lot better. Get your routine going, reach out to people to establish friendships and keep busy. In a very short while you will be able to look back at this "culture shock" and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Best of luck. Enjoy this special time!

Marguerite

It took me 27 years to move here after falling for Italy as a student. And the first few weeks I woke up thinking, "What have I done?" It is difficult, but get through it, because the payoff is to have new eyes forever. And maybe a bigger heart, too.
Don't hang out with Americans. It will impede your progress in every single way. Have US friends, sure, but make your life as Italian as possible because that's what works.
Meantime, if things get too hard, ask for phone numbers here and call for little boosts. (Use edicard.)

The question arises for all expats of whatever age and from whatever country -
If you only want to speak your mother tongue....
If you only want to 'hang out' with people from your own country/background.....
If you only want to eat your own type of food....
If you really don't care to mix with the 'natives'....
Then wouldn't you have been far happier staying 'back home' and accepting that what you 'thought' would be a bit of fun , does in fact take real courage and commitment!
The next question is:
Have you got that courage? If you have, you'll be welcome anywhere - honest!

Absolutely, Carole.
I can only speak for myself, but I can tell you that I [believe that I] definitely do have both the courage and the will power to do it - but I still expect to be in a state of grave shock for the first weeks in Italy...

Yes, but everyone has to get past that initial shock. The utter desolation at 'not being home', the shock that the place is full of 'foreigners'. And of course that blood freezing lonliness.... Prepare, before you leave, for ALL of that and you'll have it almost beat before you get here.
And of course - never forget - we're all here to help and support you and we're all just a message away!!!

Carol and Judith, you make excellent points. I am constantly amazed and perplexed by these expats who expect a perfectly American way of life, English, cheddar cheese, Wonder bread, peanut butter, etc. Why oh why are they in Italy? Why didn't they just stay where they were, where everything is hunky dory? It's offensive to me to hear about their settling in Italy and then *****ing endlessly about it. Let them go back to the US. But they don't. They stay. Why?

Quit reading the board Chrisalor if you don't like it. This is one reason this board exists. I for one am SOOOOOO tired of your negative attitude. You must be a really miserable person.

I will leave the above message and the response to it for now but let us move on and ignore it. Pretend it never existed.

Lara,

if it is any help to make you feel better, I was born in Italy and lived here until I was 20. Well I just (well, in May) moved back after a lengthy absence and I found out on occasion to have some of the same feelings as you have (a bit less pronounced, but still, I wasn't expecting it). Believe me, they go away. Abrupt cultural change happens to everyone, even the "locals" who come back!!! It gets better though, the more you look around and find things to do, local friends and get used to people's way of being.

Good luck!

I remember the first time I came to Europe it was shocking.
All the ugly old cement buildings, weird food, nobody even knows what baseball is , feeling really stupid because I didnt even know how to ask for a glass of water at a bar and besides no way in hell was I going to walk into a bar alone - dumb american tourist.

I spent 8 monthes of hell as an aupair for an awful family - mamma mia , I really didnt like it at all.
The "best" thing was when the family asked me to stay on for another year -- no way jose!
I was quite surprised that they didnt notice how unhappy I was.
I left the family ( I stayed the whole 8 month as agreed upon just because bad experiences can actually be good learning experiences) and went someplace else where I found great people and had a wonderful experience.

It takes time and patience... especially if you don't really like the people you are living with.

Its hard being alone in a strange land - it doesnt mean you want to go home - it just means it can be difficult and trying some days.

Now where are our Florence expats willing to spend an afternoon with Barracuda and make her feel at home??

Dear Ex-pats, I didn't mean to offend anyone, and if I did I apologize. I'm sometimes too spontaneous and too quick to judge although I am anything but miserable. I do appreciate this web-site very much and am very grateful for what I've learned here. From now on, I'll express myself in a circumspect manner. Best wishes to all of you, C.

Ciao Lara,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a rough first week in Florence! I can relate- its hard moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone and have problems with the language! Put jet lag on top of that and it can be very lonely.

As much as you’ve looked forward to being in Florence, the reality is different when you don’t have anyone to talk to and you don’t know your way around. Don’t worry- it will get a lot better and I’m sure you’ll find friends and end up having a great time. If you would like to get together and chat sometime, I’ve been living in Florence for a year. I’m from the U.S. and I’ve definitely had my ups and downs here (although mostly ups, which is why I’m staying!!). Sometimes its just nice to have someone from home around with whom you can relate.

Feel free to contact me if you like- I'm always up for a lunch or a drink after work!

Cat

P.S. I don’t think Lara is expecting “a perfectly American way of life,” but the first days can be hard when you miss family and friends and everything look unfamiliar. Let’s give her a break! An adjustment period is normal!!

The contributions from Kellytree and Caterina are so true. Here we have two very mature people who have battled and won. That's what it's all about Lara.... Wasn't it your Perry Como (haha) who sang something about ants and rubber tree plants? Old hat - yes. But still VERY true. I bet you win in the end!

ONe thing that might help if you need an "american fix"

the Feltrinelli bookstore in Firenze looks and feels pretty close to Borders or a Barnes and Noble (in my opinion). And there is a decent english language section that isn't just trash novels (albeit with a decent mark-up)...but same as our McBookstores here in the states it is comfy and air-conditioned and has couches to chill on whilst you peruse the wares. If my memory serves correctly i think it is on Via Cavour.

Good Luck with your adjustment. I found that in my first trips to Italy that the first week or so was the hardest. Having to constantly think in another language is suprisingly exhausting...and being exhausted can cause depression (too tired to go do anything). So take it easy, embrace the insanity, in time the language will come...and either you will have an experience you want to repeat again and again. Or you will go home knowing that it is something you never have to do again. Either way you'll grow and learn.

Best of Luck!

Well, if you like the Feltrinelli international branch in via Cavour, you could as well consider Paperback Exchange in via Fiesolana (English books, and they also buy and sell used English paperbacks). There is an English bookshop also on Borgo Ognissanti, near Ponte alla Carraia, but it is not particulary friendly and/or well stocked.

If you are really in trouble and you are compatible with their denominations, consider attending the St. James' Episcopalian Church in via Rucellai, that acts also as a sort of social centre for American expats. You will feel like being in New England

The first year I was here as a student I would walk the streets and hear people laughing. I was sure that they were laughing at me. How silly I was.

You are in for an adventure lookat it that way. Don't worry you'll make lots of Anglo Saxon friends it is only the first days.

Baracuda, where are you? Hanging out at the bookstore? Enjoying a gelato with new friends? Feeling a little bit better? Did you find Angie's studio or meet some other new students? I hope so, but please, let us know how you're doing and if we can offer any more help..

So, here I am, back to reply to my horrified post almost a week ago. Thanks for all the replies, though I admit I didn't read them all because some of the advice actually made me to feel more frustrated again [don't ask me why]. Things have gotten better [though I have to admit, today was a worse day just because I think I'm getting sick]. I said that there wasn't anyone who spoke Italian because I live in the very north part of Firenze [a very residential area] and there are no tourists around [and I had been told infatically that I shouldn't go around by myself so I didn't want to risk going downtown just yet]. But things are getting better. I'm meeting people and hanging out and exploring, but I think I might be really allergic to something here. Did anyone else experience that moving to Firenze [or Italia] from America? Again, thanks for all the advice. I feel like I would have been more enthusiastic if I had made it to the computer yesterday instead of today I will post more in the coming days [sono stanca from the cold now e vado a letto] I learned a little so far, too [though the language barrier between my host mom and me is still very intimidating]. Ciao.
Lara

See - you have survived. Now things can only get better.... Glad you're safe and (almost) sound. Sorry you're not feeling too well at the moment, I hope it passes soon.
Sleep tight. Tomorrow's another day!

I cannot understand why anyone would tell you not to go out alone? Florence is jammed with foreigners of every age and nationality.
Go out! Go the the center and wander around and see some stuff and have some fun! Life is going on without you.
Just don't go out, get roaring drunk and crawl home at 4 AM. People do that, but it isn't recommended.