My son did first grade in an Italian school while we did a trial year there. We've decided to make the move permanent, but now need to sell our NY home. If we wait until it's sold, we could be going to Italy around Christmas break, or next summer (glut of homes on local market, wrong time of year to sell).

OK, WHAT TO DO? My son and I could go back to Italy for the start of the school year, and leave my husband in NY to sell house. But, then nothing would get done on the house we're building in Italy, and continuing to live upstairs from my in-laws is not that attractive. He could go back and finish up the house while I go back to work and son enters second grade here. He'll learn to read and write in English better...and I'll earn some money to pay the mortgage and taxes while house is up for sale. I could get up to another year toward my retirement benefits, but I would feel guilty leaving mid-year as I work in a school (teaching the teachers). Third option, all three of us go back to Italy now, leave NY home to real estate agent and hope for the best, taking substantially less money no doubt just to sell as quickly as possible, and even then there are no guarantees just how long we'd have to wait. Unfortunately the days of them selling in a weekend are over!

We're trying to decide what would be the best thing to do. My father says stay in NY until we sell. My in-laws say come back to Italy (and them) NOW. The pediatrician in Italy supposedly said I'm ruining my son (educationally-speaking?) by not coming back for the start of the school year! My, my, they do take education seriously! At least here in NY the principal was very positive about Dante having had a year in another country. Any opinions out there from other parents or educators? How do the schools in Italy react to students entering mid-year? Is there any risk they'd leave him back and make him repeat second grade the following year if he misses several months?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Diane,

Okay, here's a wild shot: How about you being in NY to work and sell the house, and the men in the family being in Italy working on the house/going to school respectively?

Hi Diane,
Last year we made the move over here under similar circumstances. I stayed behind and sold the house and the kids started school in the states. We joined my husband in Italy mid-November. While one administrator gave us a bit of a hassle, the process of enrolling them at that point went pretty smoothly and the kids made the transistion with out a hitch. I think if you wait much longer than Christmas though, it could get a little more complicated. Your son will probably do fine no matter what, but I do think its a little stressfull for kids to change schools midyear because they have established their social and academic life and have to start all over. We will be returning to the US at the end of this school year and have made the decision to stay until June to save the kids from the stress that we subjected them to last year. Don't get me wrong, they're fine, I'm the one who feels guilty.
OK, I was a Realtor in my former life and I wanted to say that if you have a competant real estate agent, you really shouldn't need to be there when its on the market. If you list it "as is" then you aren't even obligated to make repairs after the inspection, although you'll probably get less $ for it. If you get the right docs drawn up "Attorney in Fact" or it goes by different names in different states, you wouldn't even have to be there doing the sale. These are issues you should discuss with your agent.
In the end, you just need to follow your heart. If you want to go to Italy, you should go. It could take a month or a year for the house to sell, there really is no way to know. Your son will be fine either way, but if mamma ain't happy then ain't nobody happy. Good luck!

OK - mine maybe a 'strange' view of your predicament, but here goes.....

* Stay in New York.

* Let your son continue his schooling there - ANY strong base in English will stand him in good stead in future life.

* Move over to Italy when YOU feel ready and the conditions that you want/need are in place.

*Don't worry about your son 'missing' second grade (or part of it). Believe me, HE will adapt better, and 'suffer' far less than the rest of you!

Thank you for your thoughts ladies! Annika, your suggestion makes a lot of sense...and would work for a few nights, maybe! My son is too young and attached to me to be without me for months. Husband would go off the deep end taking care of his parents, building the house, AND doing Dante's homework with him! In an ideal world it would work, but...

Anne, I agree that I would move him at Christmas break (or before) or not until end of June. That is the only logical time I can see. Moving in March is not an option. It's tempting to leave the house to the real estate agent, I'm not looking forward to keeping house in great shape all the time in case someone wants to see it. Stress!

Carole, I appreciate your wise opinion. I also believe skills in the English language will always serve him well...but I did not feel much appreciation for them in the Italian village school system! They were much more focused on what he couldn't do (speak Italian fluently) than on what he could do. The fact that he was eventually bilingual didn't seem to impress anybody but family! Of course, he speaks English much better than even the English teacher, so perhaps they felt threatened. In any case, they basically told us to go to all Italian at home ...not caring if he eventually would lose the English. Fat chance!

Basically, the decision we reached this summer was to stay here while we sold the house, get Dante reading and writing better in English, not appear desperate to anyone interested in our home, etc. What's scaring me at this point is the stress of going back to work (how I LOVED having the past year off), getting back into the routine of it, getting my son out of the house to "before school care" at 7 a.m. when my husband is in Italy and I'm effectively a single working mom. Can I do it, YES. Do I miss my daily walks in Italy, the snow-capped mountains, the fresh mozzarella and my son home for his pasta lunch every day, you bet! Maybe this is what I need to cement my committment to the move...only this time when I move over it will be into my new house, not upstairs from my inlaws. I'm also stressed out because I'm having my wood floors sanded and refinished this week. That means putting ALL the furniture into the garage and living in the basement apartment for a week. Fun, fun, fun, especially because it all then needs to be put back and reorganized the day before work begins. Such joy. YIKES I think I'd better go to yoga this week to relax. Thanks for your ideas and support, they mean a lot!

quote:

Originally posted by Diane:
Thank you for your thoughts ladies!
....Carole, I appreciate your wise opinion. I also believe skills in the English language will always serve him well...but I did not feel much appreciation for them in the Italian village school system! They were much more focused on what he couldn't do (speak Italian fluently) than on what he could do. The fact that he was eventually bilingual didn't seem to impress anybody but family! Of course, he speaks English much better than even the English teacher, so perhaps they felt threatened. In any case, they basically told us to go to all Italian at home ...not caring if he eventually would lose the English. Fat chance!

quote:

* Let your son continue his schooling there - ANY strong base in English will stand him in good stead in future life.

Thanks Diane....Perhaps I didn't explain my thoughts clearly enough - but I realised that you would probably be using English at home when here in Italy. So I thought that the early 'learning years' would be of use to him - not here in Italy at the moment - but as I said 'further down the line.

Sorry for the confusion. But at the end of the day you will hear all the advice offered and then as parents make up your own minds on what is best for your child....and that's just how it should be!

Carole B.

We had this problem last year. We arrived just before Easter and the schools wouldn't accept my daughter till September. However it worked out great for us because

1. she had a sress free long holiday learning conversational Italian for when she started school.

2. She made friends before school started

3. She was so keen to start school by the time it came she forgot how shy and reserved she normally is and was just happy to be there.

I think by the time school came around 51/2 months later she'd had enough holiday and really wanted to learn.

Good luck making your decision. your son is very young and will cope with whatever you decide is for the best.