I have noticed that there have been a few little flareups lately and I think I need to step in and comment. Especially as I have heard that quite a few people don't post any more because of some of the people here.

So I thought I would clarify our rules. I took this from another forum (who in turn took it from another forum) and find that it is exactly what needs to be said. Please read.

Respect Colleagues

People have feelings, and in these forums we are conversing with real people. Remember to respond to colleagues on-line with the same respect and consideration expected in face-to-face discussions.

Treating someone with respect in a conversation does not mean avoiding disagreements with them. One way to show we value the beliefs of others is by discussing them. Even an attempt to refute another persons beliefs shows more recognition of value than simply refusing to talk to them at all. Regard honest and thoughtful exchanges of ideas, including disagreements, as a way of showing respect for the beliefs of others.

Don't forget that non-verbal communication - such as body language or facial gestures - aren't present in written communications.

Post Topics In The Appropriate Forum and Category

Focus our postings, questions, and responses alike, to the forum where they are pertinent.

Each communication can generate a multitude of reactions and new directions in thinking. Work to keep follow-up comments focused on the point of the original message. Trying to cover too many points in one communication can lead to a lack of clarity and leave the readers hopelessly lost. A good rule is one concept or idea per topic or follow-up.

Remember, Topics are Not Private

This is the World Wide Web on the Internet. Even though the forums have some privacy controls, we still never know just where our words will end up or how they will be taken there. Words can hurt. Avoid jokes, sarcasm, anecdotes, and other language that may cause unwarranted pain to others. A whisper is as good as a shout on the internet.

Ask for Clarification

If you find yourself reacting with intense emotion to something in an on-line message, wait to respond until you can do so constructively. Some messages may unknowingly be ambiguous or subject to multiple interpretations. Asking for clarification before reacting may prevent misunderstanding.

Be Honest
Be honest with on-line colleagues and with yourself. Exploring possible viewpoints and arguments is an important part of this course.

Forgive Others
People make mistakes and may say things they wish they could take back. A bit of humility, tolerance, and forgiveness is required of us all if our intellectual community is to flourish. Thanks in advance for your patience

I would like to add a few more comments.

Use the Alert Button
If something is written that you find offensive, please do not respond to the post but instead use the alert button so that the moderators can handle the situation behind the scenes. If we complain and defend on the board, it loses focus of the original topic and can turn into a mud slinging show where many may be hurt.

Don't play the school marm
Please remember that offence can be taken by the littlest comment. The only people who should reprimand others are the moderators and that should be handled behind the scenes.

Hope that clarifies some things.

Thank you for that timely reminder Cristina. I suspect that over time I have been guilty of going on a 'school marm' trip. I do always try very hard to not 'respond in haste', as that only leads to 'repenting at leisure'....and results in losing good friends and colleagues.
On the occasions when I have reacted and made an inappropriate comment, once realised I have tried to make amends by apologising. I do, and have found it hard though, at times when others who have taken the 'same tack' as me on a subject have not felt any need to apologise.

I shall in future try very hard to watch my 'P's and Q's'.

Carole B.

I, too, will try to behave better. I already did try this very morning.
I think it is funny that even with just impulses on a screen you can get your back at people you never even met. If that's true, maybe all this falling in love on mail lists isn't so farfetched?

I think everyone should have to read this before they can post.

How could you enforce the requirement to read it? Most people zoom down to the bottom of webpage agreements and click Accept without reading a word.

Cristina--thanks for this announcement and being responsive to yesterday's posting. What you offer is too important to jeapordize its value to all of us!

quote:

How could you enforce the requirement to read it? Most people zoom down to the bottom of webpage agreements and click Accept without reading a word

I think that you cannot, mani, but those who care to keep this board helpful to expats and wannabes will take the time to read it. THe rest is left to moderators to suetheir judgment.

Thank you Cristina. Wise words.

quote:

I think everyone should have to read this before they can post.

quote:

How could you enforce the requirement to read it? Most people zoom down to the bottom of webpage agreements and click Accept without reading a word.

quote:

I think that you cannot, mani, but those who care to keep this board helpful to expats and wannabes will take the time to read it. THe rest is left to moderators to suetheir judgment.

It's unanimous! People cannot be made to read the agreement before posting.

Why are you so mean?

My apologies jmisgro- no harm intended. I try to have fun and don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. Please forgive me for hurting your feelings.

It takes a lot more than your posts to hurt my feelings but sometimes you are the person that posts negative things and gets people started.

Although sometimes you are very funny.

quote:

Originally posted by jmisgro:
It takes a lot more than your posts to hurt my feelings but sometimes you are the person that posts negative things and gets people started.

Although sometimes you are very funny.

This is a perfect example of how different we see things. I'll admit that I get hurt and offended and spitting mad from time to time (although the feeling usually passes after a while) on this board, but I don't think I've ever thought of Mani as negative - but then again that could be just because I have decided that he is a hilarious guy with a great sense of humor and thus I read that into his posts. Maybe it's me who's wrong?

It's interesting though. It's all in how we interpret things.

quote:

Maybe it's me who's wrong?

It's interesting though. It's all in how we interpret things.

This is the whole point. YOU are not wrong, nor is jmisgro. The written word can be misinterpreted easily. From my perspective, Mani is very dry in terms of humor. (Me too, which is why I don't get offended!)

I have a whole different theory of why people are *******s on a message board, which I will not get into here.

Someday, much research will be done into this message board culture that has evolved over the last few years and how it changes communication between people. God...can't wait.

Thanks for posting this - it's good for all of us to re-read once in a while

quote:

Why are you so mean?

After following regular posters for a while, you get an idea of their personality.

Mani, I have decided, is just plain goofy (which I like a lot!). When I read something from him that seems mean, I twist it around in my head until it comes out goofy, because for me that's his nature. It does make it tough for me when he says something serious.

Much the same process that happens in groups that meet face-to-face. Some people you click with right away; some are irritating. Some you learn to appreciate; others you drop off your list.

quote:

Mani, I have decided, is just plain goofy

Have you been talking with my wife?

Mani

OK--I forgive you for all the times you frustrated me now that I know you are officially goofy.

concurring with everything that's been said, I find this a good example of how easy it is to misinterpret written communication:

I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that

I'm sorry- I don't understand. What didn't you steal? Please explain!

read the first line; it was you who did the stealing.

I am told by lots of people that I know that my sense of humor is well "dry" and that I need to be more sensitive. Also when someone is having a bad day, the stuff can hit the fan. I am glad for the reminder to tread lightly and to think about what I say and write.

quote:

Originally posted by zueriheidi:
concurring with everything that's been said, I find this a good example of how easy it is to misinterpret written communication:

I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that.
I didn't steal that

The best example I've seen for this type of situation is this..........Imagine that a woman and a man are alone together. He starts to make his move....as he conitnues, she suddenly says:

PLEASE!!! DON'T!!!! STOP!!!!!

In no uncertain terms is she letting him know that she does NOT welcome his advances. OTOH,, if she had said:

"Please don't stop!", by using the very same words she would have let him know that she was enjoying his attention very much!

As my mom used to always tell me, it's not what you say but HOW you say it!!! On the interent it's just not possible to know "how" someone is saying something...tongue-in-cheek? sarcastically? teasingly? meanly? with concern? with disdain?

We see this over and over...one person takes offense, yet someone else will post and say that the words didn't 'hit' them that way at all!

Yeah, I'm a smart a** and sarcastic as hell, and I also like to tease, but in a good natured way I hope! I'm sure my coments have often been taken the wrong way.

Have fun accenting different words in this sentence too...
What is this thing called love.

quote:

Originally posted by Bill 2:

quote:

I think everyone should have to read this before they can post.

quote:

How could you enforce the requirement to read it? Most people zoom down to the bottom of webpage agreements and click Accept without reading a word.

quote:

I think that you cannot, mani, but those who care to keep this board helpful to expats and wannabes will take the time to read it. THe rest is left to moderators to suetheir judgment.

It's unanimous! People cannot be made to read the agreement before posting.

Bill 2/mani
As a moderator you should not make such a comment, even as a so called joke. BTW you forgot to put at the end of your comment, to indicate your sentiment.

Christina is trying to have us all behave, so to speak, and this thread deserves to be without weird humor; even I refrained from trying to be funny. If I can do it, so can you.