Hi all,

My oldest will be 11 years old when we move and I was wondering if anyone on the board had some insight on ways to ease the transition for that age. Her school at elementary will be over, so that helps a litte with the change, and the school she will go to teaches in English with mandatory Italian. I am looking at insight from parents in the "emotional" changes and advice in that arena.
Thanks in advance
E

Hi Bella Vista! Do I take it your child will be going to an International school then? My daughter's a little older than your 11 year old though, she was 14 when we came here and started 9th grade at an International school. In an ideal world I would have preferred she go to an Italian school for the usual reasons of language assimilation and integration etc. but after much thought we felt that at nearly 15 a more gradual transition would be better. The first month was tough for sure and despite doing everything to be supportive I could tell she felt lonely and a little isolated and I went through the usual feelings of guilt at having brought her here. Don't get me wrong, most people at school were very friendly but it's trying to start a social life out of school too and that can be hard. She and I get on well and enjoy each others company but kids need friends their own age don't they, not just hanging out with Mum!!! But suddenly around the 4th week she just seemed to turn a corner, started getting invites here and there out of school time etc and now it seems every weekend I have to remind her (secretly smiling to myself) that homework must be fitted in as well as her mates.I hadn't realised,(and I don't know if it will be the same in every Int. school) that such a large proportion of the students would be Italian. So her social circle in actual fact only contains one other English girl, the rest are Italian and one Israeli. I see this as a distinct advantage as the down side of the Int. school choice is that it does take longer to learn some language even though she has "student support" lessons.IMHO the most important thing for teenagers, is to have friends. If they have those then the other challenges that they face (and there will be plenty) will seem less daunting, so I would say do whatever you can to get some contacts going for him/her, maybe start now if poss and keep
at it when you arrive. Keep them busy too until those friendships form, put aside a lot of time if possible to concentrate on their happiness at the beginning, it will be worth the time and effort and no doubt very soon you will find yourself once more relegated to just the taxi driver. Good luck!

I can only agree with everything Valli has said. I have a nearly 13 year old boy who was 11 when we first arrived here. Our situation is a little different as we knew he would be returning to the UK to boarding school after spending a year here with us while I homeschooled him. I'm glad I did this but in retrospect I wish I had put him into the International School for that year as that would, hopefully, mean he now had some friends here in Florence. Between homeschooling and his natural teenage reticence to do anything too far out of his comfort zone it was a real struggle. Luckily a Games Workshop opened just before he returned and from that he has a place to go and spend time with boys his own age and with his interests when he comes home to Florence. The important thing is that he does feel that this is home because we took him out of school for that year.

Find the websites and listings pages for clubs and dance schools, swimming, horse riding, whatever. Especially if you will arrive before the new school year in September. Some places run summer schools and courses. It is more difficult for this age because most become naturally more shy. If you do want your daughter to learn Italian I would probably consider extra tuition outside school. The International school here in Florence has Italian lessons but I don't think it is very many hours per week.

My boy was nearly 11 when we moved to Italy and it was unfortunate enough for him that that was his 4th or 5th move actually since we have been expatriated to different parts of the world since he was 3.

The International School (IS) was a natural choice since he doesn't speak Italian and in the IS, you have other expats so you're immediately part of a community. He made friends quickly, they are used to people from everywhere and of all races so they are usually kind, they have playdates and birthday parties all the time.

But in our IS the classes are really small and sometimes it could backfire as there are just not enough faces and "choices". Also, people come and go and in just 6 months 2 families and 5 children would have left the school and a similar number would have arrived, and even the teachers may not remain long in the school. He was really upset when his teacher left just after 3 months.

I've been told by a few other expats that they have chosen to transfer their older children to Italian schools (especially if they are staying for a few years) so that their children would feel less sad about losing their friends every year. Apparently the teachers can be very loving and familiar in some Italian schools and with doppo scuola, you get enough help with your Italian and other homework so you catch up pretty fast.

Otherwise, ECAs are indeed important and could help the child integrate faster. My boy plays Golf and Tennis with both the other expat kids but also the local Italians (though in Modena the rates for sports and other activities are much higher than say France or Germany so the Italian children tend to come from the richer families) though he doesn't learn much Italian in the IS and you can see how hesitant he is when it comes to having to be with children from outside the school.

And then girls may be quite different from boys.

Lotus: You mentioned "doppo scuola", I didn't even look into this in trieste, but will need something in Torino- is this a pretty standard option, especially considering working parents? Is it offered through the school at extra cost or are the kids transported elsewhere? If anyone knows specifically what this is like in Torino, that would be great as well. I will send my almost 10 year old to public Italian school and certainly take Valli's advise as far as adjustment goes. I am hoping to find some English speaking kids in addition to Italian school mates just so my son feels a bit "at home" in terms of communication. Thanks!

Jenna - up around the Lakes there is a company that offers summer camps for kids wanting to learn Italian. I can't remember the name as it was too far for me to consider, but I found it through Google.

Thank you all for the great advice and information. I love the idea of looking for afterschool activities. Yes, she will be going to TASIS, which is technically in Lugano, Swizterland, as we will be residing in Campione, which is also on lake lugano. The nice thing about that area, is that since it is Ticino, Italian is the main language and German is second.

I also like the idea of looking for a summer camp her the summer we move there.

Again, thanks to all that answered.

Erika

Erika thanks for posting this. we are moving soon to Italy for 3-4 years and my daughter is just 14. We are trying to decide about schooling for her. we will be in the Varese region. I too am worried about constant changes if we put her into an IS or EU school BUT also worry that a local school will be too much with the language issue